It's been another surreal kind of day.
Kink's 21st birthday. The firstborn of seven, making me feel quite emotional as I chose a card for her in town at lunch time.
Difficult and uncomfortable memories. Bedsits in Bletchley. And yet my joy at her birth - running out into the street and punching the air in premature, immature happiness.
Looking forward very much to her visit her tomorrow and for the weekend.
We've come along long way in the last six years.
Baggins is in some way proof of that, as she begins to feed herself from a breakfast bowl with a 'poon' and adds wonderful new words to her vocabulary everyday. Beautiful, inspirational little person.
Then dropping Girl 4 and Boy off at school, crossing the road and walkin ginto church, kicking through wet leaves with LC on the way.
Signing cheques in church, discussing the submission of a Faculty application for the dais extension.
Exchanges thoughts and ideas on next year's Anniversary calendar of events, trying to figure out how best to preset the results of my lunch with Vicar yesterday.
Almost forgotten. Lots to reflect upon.

A brand/identity meeting in the office this afternoon, approving the new logo and discussing its usage and application across our range next year.
Signing off proof of the Venue Guide for Hampshire 2008 - 40 of the region's biggest hotels advertising together in our publication.

This evening's Business Champion Gala Dinner was something I have been dreading. Without reason of course. Both D and I in attendance and for me totally out of my comfort zone and meeting people who only know of us through their relationship with him. Big names.
We are punching far, far above our weght and are held in such regard amongst the major business players in the city.
I sat around a table with the MD of the Grand Harbour Hotel, teh MD of Hilton in this area, the MD of proerty agents Neilson Holt, Sir (?) Lawrie McMenemy, the Director Royal caribbean cruises. People with stakeholdings in serious companies, with vision, money, influence, responsibility, initiative.
D and I were the youngest people in the room by at least ten years (bar the organisers) and I have A LOT to reflect upon. We were invited back to the 5-star Grand Harbour for drinks afterwards and got a keen insight into the hoteliers and accommodation market in the city with two of the managers talking to each other and working in co-opetetion beautifully. Introduced to one another by us and our Venue Guide.
We know a LOT of people and are thought of VERY highly.
I feel significant, but acutely aware of what a shambles it is behind the scenes. That's my principle objective for next year.

I see things slightly different know, and understand D better in some ways.
It will take some time to realise the value of what we have and the potential for where we can take it.
Many people think we must be there already, which is a worry.
But its just me, its just us. Doing what we do.

Lots to learn, lots to consider. Lots to reflect upon and thank God for.
It's yet another example of letting Him tak ethe lead and put into the path those obstacles we need to face to make us stronger. Or make us reconsider and re-assess. Challenge us to think differently and give us experience and wisdom to use in other situations later on.

Is this what they refer to a 'Growing Up'??

Enormousy valuable day.
And splendid port. Made me smile when I took a first sip.

Never compromise on a cheap port.

Lonely Woman-Amon Duul 2
Long Way Home-Tom Waits
Look What The Wind Blew In-Baby Dee
Looped Los Angeles-John Foxx
Loosey Girls-Amon Düül
Lord I've Been Changed-Tom Waits
Losing My Head-Clan Of Xymox
Lost-The Cure
Lost-Plastikman
Lost and Found-The Radio Dept
Lost New York-John Foxx
Lothlorien -Bo Hansson
Love And Napalm-Gary Numan
Love Bomb-Grinderman
Love Is The Drug-Kylie
Lude 1-Six By Seven
Lude II-Six By Seven
Ludwig-Amon Düül
Luktar Gvendur-Björk
Lullaby-Ute Lemper
Luminous And Gone-John Foxx
Luna (The Moon)-Marc Almond
Lyre Liar-Throbbing Gristle

Sat up here working on these Walk maps for the AA, I am getting bored. Difficult time now that I want to get ahead of the schedule before Christmas. 38 down - 53 to go!!

But I decided to listen to londonunderlondon all through again (it really is quite SUPER and then, for whatever reason, I decided to let the playlist just run through 'L'. I have far from all my CDs on iTunes, but those that I have copied make a good set just running through in this order.

So much better than shuffle, which just repeats the same old songs.

Long chat yesterday nght with Ris, justifiably annoyed at the reaction of too many people to the gigs on Saturday. Feedback has generally been quite negative, which is both surprising and disappointing. There were more unplayed songs in the setlist than ever before (ten of the thirteen have NEVER been performed live before) but the Fans Five seems to have got lost in the others. I had predicted Europe and Mles Away I think, but otherwise Camera (TOP CHOICE!!), Shadowmn and Dancing Like A Gn.
No sign of The Graden. People have moaned that the set was too short, that both gigs were the same etc etc. and that the guys were mming. I suspect this is true and happens far too often.
Let that be an end to it. A fitting closure I think.
Have to say though that most people have been very favourable and posted some excellent footage, photos and reviews. I feel almost there.
I know its hard to get a feel from bootlegs, but the version of EATR sounds very disappointing. The piano and guitar bits just aren't right 'on tape' over a new, upbeat relentless drum pattern.
Give it up guys.
Welcome a bootleg of the ICa show courtesy PY. Reasonable quality too, but not quite a sgood as Manchester.
Which is fine, because apparently the show wasn't as good anyway.

Lunch with the vicar tomorrow, to discuss The Church Office a bit, which is becoming more than a minor irritation and more of my concern than I would have liked. Par tof me thinks that all the bitching, mistrust and lack of communication - while unhelpful - does somehow seem to remain behind closed doors and therefore doesn't much affect everyone else. So why does it bother me? I've had everyone involved except Mr Vicar moaning to me about everyone else to different degrees.
Sparing more than a passing prayer of course to our 'retiring' administrator who has gone into hospital today for major heart surgery tomorrow. He's off until february at least, so we have a period of time to patch over the cracks at least but also hopefully to repair some of them.
He's a lovely man and we all care for him and his family enormously, but he is NOT the right man to be in that job and that is really at the heart of the problem. Is it a problem? Anyway, I'll find out more intrigue tomorrow no doubt.

Too much to do in the office. Took a sickie yesterday (!!!) and worked on this home job, but also took the morning out to fit a very stubborn water butt over in the courtyard. Ended up doing a skwillion other odd jobs around the church and had to rush home for a late lunch even to get a couple of hours work in!

But our loan has come through! hrrah - now I can at last pay some of the bills that people keep ringing up about. Already looks very much as if we are not going ot get the bonus we were hoping for.
Really should make sure we have enough left to pay the staff I suppose...

So instead of the Luminaire shows today, I've been at home with the family. Very aware that I have NOT been to London and of course there is part of me that wonders about the shows and what they are like (currently writing this in between performances I reckon). In fact, even the fact that i am wondering must show that I am concerned and interested.

It's been a beautiful day though, absoultely perfect light this morning over the river and inspiring even to walk just to the Co-op over the bridge for milk and a paper. Nice to get a lie-in too, and we didn't have breakfast until after 9 o'clock which is unheard of for us!
All over to the church after ten to set up the annual Christmas Bazaar - with more people than ever helping this year, but even less stuff than ever toactually sell! I thin we did really well to raise the nominal £700 with virtually no publicity whatever. Politics and circumstances in the office meant that more or less nothing was don to promote the event, so the turnout was quite good in those circumstances. This is the first time in four years (eight bazaars) that I have NOT run a stall and I felt a bit redundant at times, but it did give me a good opportunity to observe the whole thing. really only the pubicity and marketing that lets it down - very enjoyable and effective for everyone involved on the day. Tx and I have discussed perhaps taking it on next year, as those that do it all the time are getting old and tired of it. Next summer is part of our 140th celebrations, so we could do with really pushing the boat out and trying to get back up to the £1500 income of about eight yeras ago.
People keep reminding me that it's about more than raising money, and that is true enough, but we do the 'church' thing well enough the rest of the time, so one push with fundraising as the main objective shouldn't be too bad.
Kids did very well too. F and A ran a games stall each (and raised £50 between them) and I spent the afternoon floating around with Stan and LC. Baggns still sleeps for her two hours, so Tx was able to rest up and finally give in to her heavy cold.
Good effort with the clearig up and it was well underway by 4.30 when I left with Stan and LC too go to his friend's 7th birthday party at the Megabowl.

Wha a truly fightening experience! Absolutely awful place, really stressful and intense. Loud music from three different sources simultaneously - the general PA, the widescreen TVs in the bar and the advertising screens at the end of the lanes. I'm all for music of course, but surely from only ONE source at a time. You cat actually hear or watch any of it... Flashing lights everywhere and video game machines with 48" screens less than two feet from the players seat. Are there not health and safety issues? Boring question...?
Made me feel quite sick. Expensive too, when you consider that they had a 12 yr old party host with a terrible attitude and total lack of initiative, shit food (burger in bap, no spread, no cheese. Seven chips. The little ones (four 3yr olds) had a lane of bowling while the bigger boys played Quasar. Stanley was second of four to ask to leave, scared out of his head by the darkness, noise and lights. At seven, they are far too young for this experience and shouldn't be 'growing up' so fast. Eventhe bowling was all wrong for little kids. Why the soft-porn MTV vids in a place full of samll kids and young teens.
Not that I'm being prudish, but surely they have to consider ALL their customers.

Scary too just how many 12, 13, 14 etc year olds were there, just hanging out in the 'foyer' area (ie the free bit!) playing on the arcade games, video consoles and dance mats, some in charge of kis no older than mine.
Is it entirely a good idea to have these kind of things to one side of the bar area (underage drinking??) where anyone can just sit and watch them wibbling and giggling in their not quite enough clothing too, which is rather worrying.

A good example of a whole environment where children grow up too fast. I think the providers really act quite irresponsibly in terms of the environment they create for essentially VERY young people. It hardly seems even to be safe, let alone pro-activey unhealthy.

But another disappointing aspect of this evening was that I actually ENJOY tenpin bowling. It's the environment your have to put up with that puts me off the activity.

Is there anywhere you can bowl WITHOUT the huge screen TVs, the flashing lights and the ignorant chavs that have no idea how to interact with each other or respect the people trying to play next to them?

I'm ranting a lot lately...

It has occurred to me over the last couple of days that one other factor underlying my decision not to go to Luminaire is the add-on costs.
OK, so the ticket was £8 and the T-shirt cost me less than that.
Train fare £34 and tube fare of £5 on top.
The bit in between the shows would include a meal £10 and no doubt some beers (£10). Suddenly that's £60!!! which at this time of the month I don't have so I would have had to take food with me and rely on the generosity of others for refreshment. The company could no doubt have justified the train fare somehow, but otherwise it was beyond me current means anyway.

Now Tx is asleep already and I'm about to bath Baggins while the others, knacjkered and hyper-excited from the party collapse into their beds.
Very glad that Tx's sister has postponed her visit tomorrow. Not so good that she is too ill to travel again though

That's what is encouraged these days by the media and the secular consumerism of 21st century Britain.
Uh oh - I feel a rant coming on...
In order to make people want things, you have to make them feel lacking and inadequate. They have to feel that they have no value. And then you have to make sure that when they actually get the things they think they want, that it isn't quite what they thought it was but that somehow that is their fault...

Ths I can attempt to understand how to define my feelings towards Christmas this year. More than previously. Not sure I can understand the chnage but it is progressive. Maybe because I work upstairs in a shopping centre?
I think the point I have realised (whcih has been reinforced by the reaction I have had to my decision not to go to the Foxx gigs this weekend) is that I don't NEED Christmas. It's hard to express this without seemng to criticise and patronise others which is not my intention at all.
In fact it goes more fundamental than that.

Could it be that my increasing levels of spiritual fulfillment and personal satisfaction (I'm really trying not to sound smug...) have reduced my level of need in general? Need for THINGS at least has more or less never been there, but now I find more often than not that I am living much 'closer to myself' and searching less for PROVISION from other sources?

It's true that I feel I don't actually need Christmas. Or at least this monster that 'Christmas' has become. It infuriates me that the market is swamped with purpose-built 'gifts' at this time of year as if everything that is already in the shops is no longer good enough.

What's wrong with the products already on the shelves the rest of the year??

Scary that somehow 'they' make you feel a poo-ing reindeer or some Christian socks(??) will enhance either your Christmas or someone else's...

Tx summed it up with the poo-ing reindeer analogy. It exemplifies what I mean perfectly.

I think people are being encouraged to feel that without spending money and getting the must-haves from the shops, or cooking the perfect meal, or whatever, they are somehow not going to have a good time this festive season. They are going to disappoint their children and their families. ANd the pressure this induces gets people into debt, causes stress and tension etc all because they re somehow feeling just not good enough. or that their Christmas will otherwise be crap.

This observation is an example of what I see as a wider malaise. In general, you must have THIS, you must look like THIS, you must listen to THIS, watch THIS and eat THIS otherwise you're life is crap and you are ugly and your children are deprived.
Why is that? Where does that attitude come from?
Because without it, consumerism could not survive.

I am a very difficult person to sell to. Some would say cynical, but I hope not.

I am looking forward to Chirstmas, I enjoy Christmas and it makes me happy. But Xmas does not, and I don't like being made to feel like a freak because I have no fear of my self and I have confidence in my own decision-making.
Is it wrong to be as comfortable as I am with what I have and who I am - most of the time.

I have chosen not to go on Saturday, and have experienced a number of emails and even some postings of a very accusatory nature. Unfortuantely, I have dressed my decision up as a number of 'excuses' perhaps and feel that I should have stuck to my original position of not going in the first place.
But an element of the point is that I don't NEED to go in order to call myself a fan.
I don't NEED to go in order that I have something to do on Saturday afternoon.
My life will not be fundamentally 'less' by staying away.
Relative to the other things I will be doing instead, the truth is I don't actually want to go, and that's the hard part to justify to others.

And, in this mood, I have just listened on the radio while I've been working to the last few minutes of England's football match against Croatia and the subsequent phone-in 606. I was reminded of Gary Bellamy's excellent radio 4 comedy "Down The Line". Some of the people that actually rang in and the ignorance of their point could have been made up!!
The same thread runs through this as well. I find it quite disturbing that, for a number of people, the abscence of England from the European Championships next year will have such a profound effect on their state of happiness and well-being. It's as if it is the end of the world somehow, and the bottom has fallen out of whatever chances they had of being 'alive'. Comments were made about the huge numbers of people who will be taking sick leave off work tomorrow??
What?

Come on people for goodness sake. How much does it actually matter?

It comes down to enriching your life with value in some way with some action of your own. Don't let 'them' convince you without this or that you have nothing and will never be happy.

As Terry Hall and Jerry Dammers wrote on the Specials first album:

It's up to you

The safest pair of hands to put your life into is your own.

Sorry about that. Nothing personal.
We often talk about this at my local Get a Life club…

Sincere thanks to Ris this evening for phoning and making me feel better about my decision.

That's it then.
I have been wavering about this weekend's trip to see John and Louis at the Luminaire for a while, and the closure of the railway between Winchester and Woking makes the decision for me.
The journey via Havant and Guildford involves TWO changes and takes two and a half hours.
And then is the 45 mnute Tube ride out to Kilburn...
Bugger that!
Its the return journey that is the real killer because I would have to catch the midnight train and not be home till 3am.

Why is this not disappointing, and only an answer to prayer?
For weeks now I have not really wanted to go anyway, but feel an obligation to do so because I got the T-shirt free of charge.
I don't quite understand why I have started to not want to go.
or do I? In fact, I never wanted to go from the beginning when the terms and conditions were made about the free gig anyway.

So instead, it now looks as if I will be able to go with my heart and help out with the Church Christmas Bazaar after all :-D This fits in much better with Stanley's party anyway. I can now tak ehim to thi and save Trx the hassle of having to arrange cover.

I do hope her cold passes soon though - it's really wearing her down. ANd my reminders that "I'm going to London this weekend" don't help. Especially now that G + V are threatening to come down on Sunday!

It's all just too complicated.

It's been quite a weekend and I have felt in an awkward mood throughout, strangely belligerent. hence the above I suppose.

Mum and Dad came down yesterday and brought with them the rain that has persisted and intensified ever since. Both on good form, and Dad's presence again inspired me to get the lights fixed up here, and also he sorted out the fencepost that someone kindly ran into Friday morning and bent across our driveway.
Why not just knock on the door and say Oooops? Last visit before Christmas, and we have arranged our Boxing Day trip to them which will be when the kids get their presents.

Then to day we have enjoyed a textbook "wet Sunday". Sorting out the playroom, the girls decided unanimously to donate all their Barbie stuff to the bazaar? Boxes and boxes of it - Dolls, clothes, houses, cars, furniture, small annoying plastic things... we can see the carpet!!
Busy doing this when Biscuit arrived with her very gorgeous friend B, who I haven't actually seen inperson since they left school two years ago! Seems weird when we exchange MSN chats fairly regularly. B is visitng for the first time since Biscuit came down to Uni, herself now prospecting for a place here next September.

I suppose there is an inevitably about your Dad 'fancying' your mates when you get to 19...

She was cool with everyone, instantly getting on with LC and Stan as people always do. Board games came out, and we actually had a good family laugh with Junior Cluedo and Monopoly alongside lots of cake, fruit, bikkies, drink etc etc... Made me realise though (and my girls don't have this?) how coarse the Npton accent can be.

© Francis Frith

By 1977, The Toby Jug Pub in Tolworth had for many years been a venue for up & coming bands. It was well established as a local pub gig, playing host to the likes of Traffic, Led Zeppelin, Jethro Tull, Ten Years After and King Crimson . It was at this venue on Feb 10th 1972 that David Bowie performed as Ziggy Stardust for the first time in the UK.

Ultravox! played a gig here during their first UK tour, on March 27th 1977.
Other bands performing during the same period include Squeeze and The Police

I've had some rather inspiring feedback on the poem I posted hear a while ago.
http://birdsong.blog.co.uk/2007/10/16/calls_for_daddy~3147837

And this from someone I would describe as 'close' though they do not know the details and the experience from which I wrote.

To me it speaks of such a deep love, one that endures as children grow, move on, still need us. A love that means we feel for our children as they experience their own growth, loves, pains, whilst knowing that we too grow as our children grow – we remain there for them but what they need and when they need it changes. They can move away (in joy or frustration) but then still call us – because they love us, they need us, to talk, to share…

Another thought – because you don’t use a child’s name, because you don’t give specific examples for why the ‘scars, why ‘empty fingers’, or details of her love – it remains totally accessible, on several levels. The reader can see it as a particular child & parent, or their own experience as a parent, or even as a child (whether now still a child or now an adult).

Two examples of this today.
At 8.25 F and her friend turned up at the house after their bus to school failed to turn up. So it was a case of jumping inot the car and crawlin gin to town to drop them off, which meant that I took the car to work.
Never a good idea, and especially when I had planned to bring Nev home to help with Biscuit's move tis evening. We managed it in the car in the end, but I think without my help she would have struggled. How would a student uner 'normal' circumstances (ie without a parent in the same city) manage to move all their stuff from one room to another literally overnight.
Keys to the new place released at 4pm, and keys to the old place expected to be returned by 10am the next day.
All done though,a nd both she and I are MUCH happier with this new place. Closer, and not catered, so more suitable right from the start. Older hall, therefore more space, and witha massive clean and well-equippe kitchen for just four people. Her own sink, two toilets and two showers between them.

I am comfortable that she will be OK there.

Managed to (at last) make the irregular Sunday night call to the firstborn this evening, only to be deflated and disappointed at the end of it. A feeling that frustrates me, and I don't make it welcome, because after all, what right do any of us have to be disappointed in our children?
She's handed in her notice at the shop without another job to go to, despite 'promising' over the summer that she wouldn't do exactly this. Her heart is set on volunteer work, making the gigs work and doing freelance photography and artwork. But I do feel all this could be done AS WELL as having a job and she is taking a step backwards.
Trouble is, I kid myself that she is not as vague and indecisive as her mother and it does worry me that she will go down the same slippery slope of never actually really doing anything...
I despair a little of her attitude that she doesn't really "need" a job because the Housing Benefit will pay the rent. What about the motivation and inspiration that comes from doing something useful, adding value to your life.

Her sister turned up at the house this afternoon with a Birthday Present for Alice. She remembered, bothered, and got sorted. Course is ony going "OK" and so far she is very bored and has written only two essays in six weeks. Thats a degree in Philosophy for ya!
But better news is that her accommodation transfer has come through to coincide with this reading week, and tomorrow morning she is going up to view, again, a place that was actually her first choice in September. And the room has been empty the whole time??
I don't really understand the University's system, but I suppose there has to be one and someone has to manage it...
Hopefully, she'll come round for dinner one evening this week and we can catch up properly.

That's if I'm in at all. Ever. Tomorrow night I will almost certainly be helping her move (and giving Nev a run out) and then on Wednesday night I have been asked if I will go out for a drink and a chat with our church administrater before he goes off on three months sick leave. It's a Big Deal he faces with heart surgery at the end of the month, and I pray for his recovery and that his 'break' does result in some quality time with a too fragmented family.
Thursday it's cell night, and this week its here.
'Creating Communitty' and 'Forgiving One Another'

When were you last let down by someone and how did you react? Have you completely dealt with it

Study passage is Ephesians 4

Still tired. Last four Sussex maps in now (that makes 42 out of 89) which I also have to do in next to no time as the deadline passed last Friday. Scotland is filtering in, and tonight ALL 17 of the fekking Lakes were returned to me. They have introduced a new editor who picks nits and both men I am dealing with are frustrated and annoyed at her comments, most of which amount to moving type half a millimetere and add very little to the overall aesthetic of the maps. Annoying, as I was happy with the way ths is going so far and more or less on top of the schedule.

Delivered 25kg of daffodil bulbs and a waterbutt to the Church courtyard on Sunday. At leas this windy weather is getting rid of most of our leaves.

Wishing I felt like sleeping

For a while now I've been debating with myself whether to blog this.
I have no idea why.

Among every thing else this week, I have been to visit Ris at his house for the first time. meta matic central - the 'headquarters' of all things Fox. Not nearly as far away as either of us thought, and I managed the journey up there in just over the two hours, but hit traffic on the M3 on the way home. Serves me right for trying to get back into Southampton for 6pm I suppose.
We got on well enough, but his nerves at my presence rather surprised me. There still seems on his part to be an element of 'checkng out' going on, and I am wondering if he is uncomfortable wth the friendship that is developing beyong our 'professional' relationship.
Tx has suggested (and now it seems obvious) that the nerves and anxiety are what contributed to his reversing the car into a post, causing an ear-splitting crunch and £500 worth of damage while trying to park up for lunch. Unnecessary too - a sandwich at the desk would have been fine,a nd we could have got more done.
Maybe this is a Big Deal for him, never having had any one else in this kind of role before. I'm honoured, and sincerely flattered to be here, in this room, surrounded by all this incredible stuff.
Ultra Vox paraphernalia, memorabilia everywhere, floor to ceiling. Signed photos of the band, gold discs etc etc. The compilation of the eight album Ant hology project is nearing completion. A major piece of work.
Fox artwork stacked against the wardrobe, a little dogeared. Priceless original collages for single sleeves and albums rescued from the scrapheap where they were cast when the dog chewed the corner. There is so much of it.
I felt most of the time like a kid in a sweet shop, but remain truly staggered by the amount of material there is still to go on the website. We discussed presentation of media, interviews, photographs, discography, updates, movie clips etc etc. So many fantastic ideas and opportunities among the hesitancy and reservation.
Fascinating day. I feel disappointed, frustrated, hopeful and inspired.

Rounded off nicely in the evening by an email from SM touching on a project to look into the artwork side of things in greater detail. I have ideas but no solutions.
Meanwhile, the man is in Leeds tomorrow showing Tiny Colour Moves, and the 'last gig' is only two weekends away.
I didn't ask about the news and the gossip because it isn't right that I should do so. I don't wan to know what the five 'exclusive' fan-chosen tracks will be, but it isn't difficult to specualte quite accurately. I have no doubt these will include The Graden and Eurpoe After The Rain, and would put money on Your Dresss being included as well. Morning Glory is likely to make an appearance too I would imagine, alongside Ener The ANgel.
I could of course, be completely wrong.

The 'new' managing director role in the office is exhausting, and I feel tired at the end of every day which is very unuusual. It isn't helping me get the homework project done for the aa, although I am still somehow on schedule with the walks maps.
Seems that this could be the way of it if things work out the way they seem to be going. All my usefu; 'production' time will be these evenings, and if I'm not careful Tx and I will only be going to bed together once a week!
I am still of course loving every minute of it, but the amount of silly little things I am trying to sort is taking all my time.

Yesterday for instance, I went over to Portsmouth for a meeting with the sustainable transport officer to discuss the new cyclemap they want. The GIS data they sent me to plot on the database turns out to be out of date and inaccurate. I have now attended three of these meetings and each time have met different council personnel and had to re-invent the wheel each time. I took the train, which I enjoyed, and ths took just about an hour. Add the taht half an hour cycling from the office back home to get to the station round the corner. Then an hour in Portsmouth, and an hour tweny back home.
And a complete waste of time. I left suggesting they actually decided what they want on the map and I'll work out how best to do it.

Tina is turning out to be fantastic. Not just good at the job and with impressive skills (she's teaching me a lot about CS3 already) but also great company, very consciencious, very smily easy peasy. A really good choice. I just hope she doesn't find us all a bit too amateurish.
But now there are problems with MPs timekeeping. She disappears off for VERY long periods, and spent most of Wednesday on the Schul magazine she publishes from home.
And people who don't pay us. And people who ring up wanting money. And no teabags. And £40 disappearing from a locked petty cash tin? And a van that squeaks.
Three Guides going to print before Christmas, all coming together nicely. A loan that still ahsn't been drawn down until we visit the solicitor next Tuesday.
An invitation to tender for running the New Forest Tourism Association next year. Agreement from ABP that we can install exhibition stands and more poster sites across the cruise terminals.
An invitation to speak at a Cruise Partnership launch on the QE2 this afternoon.
Too many things.

A birthday party here tomorrow afternoon. Smoke escaping from the fire in the lounge into our bedroom. Lights dangling from the loft ceiling. A budget to plan for the PCC meeting on Monday evening.
Suggestions and ideas invited for how we should consider cataloguing and recording JF's artworks. yera by year synopses to prepare for the website in advance of the Media Archive launch at Christmas.
Oh yes. Christmas...

I refuse to rant hear about how shit this has become.

Sleep.

A rare evening of beautiful music. For once I have chosen well.
Accompanying my Sussex Walks project into the early hours tonight have been

Baby Dee - Little Windows
I've said enough about this superb album

Current 93 - Black Ships Ate The Sky
I can't say enough about this superb album.
The desert is too close. David Tibet's masterpiece has really struck home this evening and is indeed deep, dark and disturbing in the most beautiful way. The repeated inclusion of Idumea by six or seven different artists is the first time I've experienced this method, and it works so well. Mind you, with the pedigree of Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, Tibet himself, Anthony Hegarty, Marc A, Cosey Fanni Tutti etc it can't fail to get right into the most secret places.
And the title track is inspirational.
For who will deliver me from myself?

Orphée - Various
This compilation from Projekt explores the ethereal nature of the male voice. Includes an impressive array of well-known artists and venerates the sensitive, introspective inner soul of the singer and the song. Picked a copy up from Ris yesterday specifically for the version of JF's Quiet Splendour (which is unrecognisably different from the Cathedral Oceans version) and its an album I've always been curious about.
Yet I found it strangely 'twee' and quite weak. David Sylvian has never worked for me, Jansen and Barbieri the same. The whole thing comes over as quite 'safe' which is a disappointing chance not taken. But then it has introduced me to the work of Peter Ulrich, which I have asked M Puddle to expand upon.

Girl 3's indepence that began in earnest with secondary school in September took another step forward today. We've been giving her £5 a week pocket money since then, and encouraging her to use this money to fund her own clubs, school trips, stationery etc etc as well as presents for the rest of the family when the time comes.
Today she got off the bus two stops early at the local shops and went off by herself to get something for Girl 4 who turns nine at the weekend.
First time she's been shopping on her own, as well as walking back from the shops. All is good
We've brought a personal CD player and some books in keeping with our decision at the beginning of the year to make a significantly bigger deal of individual birthdays and take a step back from Christmas.
I refuse to rant here about how totally shit the whole thing has become. I actually resent the fact that people will consider spending £200 on a lifesize 'karaoke Santa'. To do this, you must seriously have too much money.

"Oh no, we don't have any money at all. God knows how we are going to get 'Jack' new shoes for school this month."

Then don't even ASK what you should get our kids for Christmas.

I refuse to rant here about how totally shit the whole thing has become.
I said that.

AN impromptu bonfire to burn the garden rubbish and tree cuttings in the curchyard, and 'a few fireworks' turned int o a major event last night and resulted in our third consecutive day at church this weekend. I don't begrudge a minute of course, but we will have to think more carefully about how we manage an increasngly popular event in future.
It's been going now for four years and his hitherto been really quiet and simple.
This year, we mentioned it to one or two more people in the congregation on Sunday, and had a couple of hands turn up to help build the bonfire in the afternoon.

Out problem, with more than fifty people there on the night was more than just that fact that Tx only made soup for about ten. Quite a few people came from locally, outside the church, whcih in many ways is a really positive thing. BUt I'm not sure how the insurance works, for instance, and the fact that we ended up with a dozen BOXES of fireworks meant that it went on rather too long. And too many kids just running riot. We will need to introduce fencing at this rate!

But I have deliberately kept it 'old fashioned'. Some of my fondest memories of childhood are of firework displays in the freezing cold, faces and fingers burning in the heat of huge bonfires watched from behind a rope. Not so much the fireworks as the fire.
The idea of this event is to rekindle those memories for people (though it may never be cold again!) and build the kid's image grammar. So good to see them all just getting on, waving sparklers around and generally sitting chatting.
That's really what the whole evening was about.

I'm coming home from work exhausted these days. Every day the bar seems to get higher.
'Tina' started with us on Wednesday, fresh-faced and smily and has given me so much inspiration already, confirming my belief in her being exactly right for the job. I do already worry though that the job is right for her. Would I drive for an hour each way to work with us? Hmmm, bset not to go there.
Tension have been higher since I persuaded D and J to meet up and talk about their issues, and it blew off in a huge (and very petty) argument in front of everyone on Wednesday. I need to consider very carefully how I react and deal with situations now, and that in itself is both unfamiliar and tiring.
Increasingly often, I find myself taking her side in their dispute because she is inevitably right and he is almost always inconsiderate and unfair. But that doesn't help. he has expressed feelings of isolation and despair at times, leading him to questionmy loyalty which, I suppose, should really lie with my business partner. But his emotional and professional immaturity worries me a lot, and his lack of respect for the opinions and feelings of others is really becoming quite an issue.
But I will not take 'his side' in a situation where he is wrong, and I just need to work out how best to do this.
But Tina is great. I fear that our unreliable network and rather ragged systems are frustrating her at the moment, though inevitably it is very early days.
There is a weird kind of 'bonding' going on already, and I came home from the office tonight with confusion in my head simply over her physical presence. It is as if we have known each other for years. Sometimes, 'familiarity' can be very unsettling and I'm well aware of how to deal with it from my point of view. She's very forthright, and wants to talk through design and layout issues rather than sit and be left to get on with it.
And she's very tactile, which is also a little disturbing on the first lap.
If I were more perceptive, I could probably read somethng in her appearance, which was this morning totally different from the first day. Not that I mind the four-inch heel kinky boots and the cleavage, but it could maybe ask a few questions...

Good atmosphere this afternoon with four of us together, and perhaps the first time too that I have really had time to sit and talk with 'Paul' our distribution manager. Wicked sense of humour and a very amiable Cockney, absolutely loving every minute of his job with u s and getting very involved with Nev, his nice new van.
It's all very exciting, very challenging but does worry me. I am concerned for the effect this fundamental instability with D might have on everyone else and feel I need to step up and deal with it. he has challenged me to 'manage' him too and so I have taken on the title MD, but I need to find the most effective way of persuading him to respond to criticism, instruction and systematic practice.

It was very satisfying to look up from my desk yesterday and survey the growing world of WD. Four members of staff now, and relationships between them coming into play. Responsibility gives life such inspirational added value.

Cell tonight. It kind of drifts along. Like Woolworth's I think. At the moment, my faith is solid and there, comfortable and dependable. I know where I am with it, and enjoyed the restorative prayer and conversation this evening, but it is not a Big Deal.