After the cell leaders meeting this evening, which poignantly reminded me how inadequately I fill this role, Mr Vicar approached me to consider becoming a licensed Chalice Bearer.
I'm flattered, and a little stunned.
I know its not a major role or anything, but it will mean another step along the road.

I'm sure its come about since our chat about my standing for churchwarden, and how I expressed some hesitation about the pastoral elements of this role. In typical fashion, our incumbent has found a role for me that represents a simple step on the ladder to becoming a more senior lay officer, perceived by newcomers to the church as a person of dignity and reverence.
Scary stuff, but one that really moves me and has got deep inside.
I'm looking forward to the role with both relish and reservation.
I feel dreadfully unworthy too, which is no bad thing.
During the first period of Lent, I have been trying to focus a little more on my prayer time and get things into more focus before takign on a more publically 'formal' role.

I expect everyone feels this, but it's bizarre that such a position should have come to little old me. I just do what I do.
As Beeblebrox puts it so eloquently "I'm just this guy, y'know?"

it is now, perhaps more than ever that I need to start fulfilling the role I;m about to take on. Grow up a bit, is the term I think.

Interesting time, that this should, in the Lord's own way, coincide precisely with this new position of responsibility and maturity that I am facing in the office. I'm not dealing with that too well either, because the authority bestowed upon me is not, so far at least, being recoginised by those who chose that it should be so! D is impossible to manage, and seems to have no respect for anything you ask him to do.
I always knew it would be thus, but that doesn't make it easier.
One of the difficulties our company faces is the identification, declaration and acknowledgement of who actually is 'in charge'.

There are two directors, and the one in charge doesn't realise he is or act accordingly, and the one who isn't in charge thinks he is.
Should they consider swapping roles?
I think not, both just need time to adjust.
"Shaper" versus "Completer/Finisher"

Two days with IW 'installing the media sites' (putting up poster frames!) at the QEII Cruise terminal has been hard work but very inspiring. We now have the first dozen six-sheets up in the departure lounge (sorry, 'embarkation suite'!!), 48 A2 sites along the embarkation corridor and eight of the planned sixteen four sheets in the Meeting Hall and Baggage Handling. The whole project is starting to come together, because D and MP have now got a whole series of quotes out with interested parties.
They are talking about ridiculous sums of money for poster campaigns, and despite my enthusiasm for the Project, I'm still for from comfortable with how I feel towards the whole Sales of Advertising point of view.
For instance, while I struggle to pay off the £2.5K on my Barclaycard and determine to close my account with the company, should I really be offering the same company extortionate rates to advertise in the Cruise Terminals? They are being quoted £7,500 for a three week campaign! At the same time, both Citroen and Peugeot are asking for a price to book ALL the sites for an eight-week campaign (that's 25 sixsheets) and being quoted around £40,000.

The more I contemplate these figures and the tiny overheads we have, and insignificant set up costs etc, the more I think the whole situation is morally wrong and that I should leave it to the others.
I wrestle with the dilemma constantly.
We have a great idea and a fantastic opportunity to launch the business into a whole new world. But is it where i want to go?
Do I compromise my artistic and ethical principles in order to reap huge revenue from high-profile media campaigns. I think to a large extent it depends what we have to do to get there.
We have talked in meetings about the content of media packs ( I can't have anything that isn't honest), but the amount of trips to London they are having to make at the beck and call of media buying agencies is just embarassing and, I would have thought, humiliating?

It's ironic that I feel this dilemma replicating that experienced by John Foxx after the success of the Systems of Romance album, when he decided to quit Ultravox on the threshold of their breakthrough. Everything was in place for the band to take off, all the groundwork was there and the pedigree established, and of course within 18 months Vienna had gone through the roof and the band were a household name. Foxx meanwhile had retreated underground and produced the cult album "Metamatic". Twenty five years on of course and the brighter light has long since burned itself out, while the slow-burning candle gets stronger and more prolific than ever.

What to do, what to do.
I have to do what is best for the family i think, in the longer term. And right now that means taking the money, getting out of debt and starting ot bring home a better salary so that we can start to enjoy the next five years.
If I can do this by spending less time at the office for more money, then that has to be a Good Thing.
I'm uncomfortable with it, but I enjoy every day of my job so much and the feeling of recognition for our achievements is very satisfying.

I feel hypocritical. I'm going round in circles.
Which is precisely why I don't think too long on this.

Maybe it was a good idea to go out with Matt this evening to watch his son's band, Next in Line, play a gig at Unit 22. Sadly, it was the night their singer finally quit the band, by texting them half an hour before they went on stage and he still hadn't showed up! I was impressed with most of their Green Day-like sound, but they need to believe in themselves more. The three core members are, again like 1978 Ultravox, much better than they think they are. Musically very tight and more than competent with their own tunes among some more popular covers (Hendrix, Electric Six, Green Day). All they need to do is to find a new singer.
"Hey Rusty, whose that bloke you know? He'd be good. What's his name, Midge something? Isn't he looking for a new band…?"