It turned out easier to split the family up today when S woke up with all the symptoms F has displayed for the last couple of days - sore throat, temperature, feeling cold, headache etc.
Somehow A and E have both managed to avoid it so far, so they came with me and Baggins to Wickham for the day.

Despite being in the Hamble Valley (well, at the eastern most edge of our range) I have never been before. Can see why - not exactly the most exciitng place, with the exception of the uniquely interesting Chesapeake Mill

which is now an antique and craft centre with over 40 traders inside.
A fantastic range of 'stuff' from retro dolls and furniture to handmade everything else!
A was in heaven, and we spent ages just wandering about the three storeys just looking at it all. Picked up a wrought iron fruit basket for Uncle D's birthday next week and decided I must have one myself.
Took a handful of other photos as well, hopefully one might find its way into the new HV guide before we hit 'print' on Wednesday.

Asisde from the last 25 aa maps (of which I have now done only one...) I have been distracted into the world of F*xx again and revisiting all my bootlegs now the entire collectio is surrounding me.
Quite appalled how badly wrong I have labelled a couple, which are now sorted. Covers 23 Ultrav*x gigs, but this includes two that we only have a couple of tracks from.
Somewhere there must be a full recording of the Rainbow gig from Feb '77 (source of the Retro EP material) and similar for the Huddersfield Polytechnic gig in October of that year.
In fact, the Marquee on Dec 31st has also been used to source a b-side, so that too must have a recording somewhere.

I feel a rummage coming on.

And I still haven't had my discs back from Ris since my visit...

Not only is Tx struck down with a heavy cold, but tonight Baggins is suffering the same.
Its a nightmare - she cannot settle and is just moaning loudly from her cot. She's keeping her mum awake too. She's quiet now up here with me but what happens when I try to put her back into bed?

Was planning to do the amends for some of the aa maps that came in on monday but I seem unable to get round to it. Instead I'm making a good start sorting some of the Foxx material out that has been left in pile s of discs all round my desk. I think its about time I actually made a list of what I have and tried to store it in some kind of order!!

But I'm tired. It was an exhausting day yesterday and today has been a real strain. The kids have been great, but it is difficult with all five of them on my own. they played with and put away some of the Christmas 'stuff' this morning - Ali and I made a mummy and a sarcophagus out of plaster gauze! - then after lunch I took them over to a 'play place' down by the docks. Needs must and they had a good time, but its not usually high on my list of entertainment choices.
Hopefully if Tx does manage to get some sleep we will venture over to Wickham tomorrow.

Up early with NooNah (as she now calls herself) while everyone else tries to catch up on some sleep after the last couple of days excitement. She has a cold, but not as bad as her mum who came down yesterday with a good dose of the sniffles and a sore throat!
Over-tired no doubt as she always gets quite stressed out at this time of year and finds everything quite difficult.

But we've had a great time - one of the best Christmasses I think. Relatively quiet day itself spent on our own - and this year we had to cancel the picnic because of the heavy rain. Really disappointing as both Monday and yesterday were crisp, cold and sunny! The kids didn't seem to mind as we had a huge picnic lunch spread on the floor surrounded by the new presents. Only those from us (a couple each) as we picked up all the others from my family at my sister's Boxing Day. Yesterday? Losing track of time.
I don't previously remember spending so much of a family Christmas with the TV, and I surprised myself by actually ENJOYING a couple of films!!

better still though was spending an hour together before bed witha bottle of port and watchng "The True Histroy of Jesus" or something on Four - an interesting look by Oxford theologian in to the remarkable similarities between the lives of Buddha, Krishna and Jesus and some fascinating interviews with religious leaders. One of the brahmins used an analogy that I find especially suits my own view.

The faiths of the world are like rivers, all flowing towards the same sea.
When we see the light of God and chose to follow a path towards righteous living, we choose to go along one of these river courses.
We must acknowledge that other rivers exist, follow a similar course and lead to the same destination, instead of closing our eyes and declaring the our path is the ONLY one to take.

Stan especially liked Inspector Gadget, and the Shrek is always a joy. Film 2 considerably weaker than the first and a bit corny in places, but the character is a work of inspired genius.
Managed to catch most of it in between cooking the dinner.
Probably the best part of the day was our afternoon walk once the rain eased off.
We went down to the river (and missed the seal again!!) to Enjoy The Silence. ABsolutely no-one else around, no cars, and of course no trains or planes either.
Water itself like glass, with only a few Oyks, gulls and redshank shuffling around and a beautiful Egret in the bay.

Girl 1 - handmade bag from craft exhibition
Girl 2 - pasta recipe book and cooking stuff
Girl 3 - 20-Q game
Girl 4 - Buzzwire science kit and diary
Boy - Watch
Girl 5 - Rabbit ears clock
Girl 6 - books

Simple things but made then all smile.
Tx seems delighted with her jumper, cardi and CD, and my new cycling jacket is perfect

Gift of the year for us was the 5kg of potatoes from our friend's farm shop up near Romsey!
Also picked up the annual box of Licorice Allsorts, bottle of JD, and slimline keyboard and too many chocloates.

Like most places I'm sure, our house is full of food but we have nothing to eat!!!

Kids waking up now. Half eight. Later than late for them. trying to give Tx a lie-in this morning but she's scuh a light sleeper.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

In the bedside stocking this year:-

A Superman flannel and sponge
Spider-man 'toasties'
Yogurt Raisins
Tell The Time Snap
A pen that writes in four different colours
Amazing Mazes book
Colouring pens

Similar for the girls, but either Dora or Miffi. Up at seven.
That's good

Yum yum - croissants for breakfast!

We're both glowing today with the success of yesterday's maga-open-house party.
More than 60 people came during the afternoon, including RaM who I shamefully haven't kept in touch with since their daughter was born three days before Baggins! REALLY good to see them again, and learn of their current pregnancy.
I'm not one to talk obviously, but three children in under five years is going some...
Fantstaic news.

Interesting mix of people, and at a steady pace as well which meant it wasn't too overwhelming.

But we're so encouraged by everyone's kindness, humour and generosity. Yes we asked for food contributions, but we now have more wine, beer, cakes, crips and other food thanwe actually started with!! So its a diet of (relative) trash for the week - a sure sign that its Christmas.
A Big Effort and Expense to go to, and it was commented more than once that me 'must be mad' but it was absolutely worthwhile without any question. So good to see everyone here, very releaxed.

Hopefully it will be as good on Boxing Day at my sister's, but its never quite the same with family somehow.

So as usual, and because we're all knackered, Christmas Eve is a quiet non-entity. Down to the river with the bikes this morning (as a dull drizzle began to fall) and clearing up (again) this afternoon.
Been out in the van (showing it off!!!) to a friend's house to exchange some firewood which, of course, ended up in more tea, mince pies and conversation. I've managed to split up about a quarter of my neighbour's eucalyptus but there is still loads left and it is still VERY damp. SO while we have kindling and big logs, there is nothing in between to get a decent fire going. Hopefully this aged oak will solve that problem and mean we can get through the winter without having to buy more coal.

And at last we have got around to swapping the Upstairs music for the Downstairs music. I now have my Foxx/Almon collection in the studio next to me along with all the CD-Rs of "Rubbish" that Tx can't stand, and the larger selection of more 'accessible' music is downstairs for her to explore. I've no doubt there is a lot more she'd find to like this way round so hopefully the arrangement suits all of us.

Kids are tired, manic and very touchy.
Looking forward to the Christingle tonight - shame the weather has changed and our picnic lunch tomorrow could be rained off...

We would appear to be ready.
This is the first 'quiet' moment I've had in the last week. Not even sure why now its all passed in such a blur, but I do remember wantng to blog about how great it felt earlier on to be 'proper cold' at last. Walked in to work a couple of times during the week really just to experience those memories of years ago when the cold was enough to bite yoour fingers and the pavements and roads were slippery underfoot. Happy times - and it seems that even here, in lukewarm, grey Hampshire it can still sometimes be wintery.
Beautiful, beautiful light on the river, particularly Thursday morning.
No sign of the seal though that's become such a celebrity since he was first seen a week ago,
Unusual wildlife for the Itchen of coourse, but apparently a ot of people have manged to see the young male Grey Seal either early in the morning or around 4pm. I've had three goes and missed him every time.
Probably too late now...

Everyone is downstairs now chilling out in the calm before The Party tomorrow. As is my want, I have almost certainly overspent on food (£200 in Tesco this morning!) and the garage is full to bursting! been shopping locally too this afternoon and picked up a couple of presents for Tx at last, as well as armfuls of mistletoe. Local holly cut from cards and some tinsel and candles completes the decorations. Picked up four DVDs in the library (for the price of two...) which will be one in one room during the afternoon, and Tx has cleared out everything in the loft here so we have toys out in here. Other room for the little ones with things moved up from the lounge. All set to go.
No idea who or how many people are coming - but that's the fun of it.
As usual enjoyed the annual walk around the parish on the way back delivering Christmas cards. Slow start coming in this year but an amazing 23 from postie this morning!!!

More of a surprise though are the CDs that have arrived in three packages.
Another copy of the ICA gig from Mandreas a fortnight or so ago I suppose, and this morning a big surprise - a recording of the LUminaire (T-shirt) gig! Most excellent, and I had no idea one existed, so I am looking forward to hearing all those rarities too - at least third hand.
In between, I've had a package including the first two albums in the Sandpaper series from Neuphonius (entitled 'Red' and 'Black') as well as Peter Ulrich's (Dead can Dance) "Pathways and Dawns" from 1999 and Low's "The Curtain Hits the Cast".
Ulrich's album contains the sublime song Life Among the Black Sheep (from Orphee) which first introduced me to his voice, but other than an equally brilliant opener (Taquharu's Leaving) I found it uninspiring on first listen.
DCD are like that though. I have maybe five or six of their albums, and apart from "Spleen and Ideal" I 'm not sure I really get any of them. Need a bit more work I think. Certainly the best of didnt really grab me when I first heard that...

Haven't heard the Low album yet (or even heard of them).

"Low are a trio from Duluth, Minn., specializing in an even quieter brand of despondency. Its sound is composed of equal parts air and vibe. You don't so much listen to Low's songs as osmotically absorb them. The stately pacing gives much of the material a hymnal quality, and percussionist Mimi Parker's vocals beautifully counterpoint the gnarly mumble of her husband, guitarist Alan Sparhawk." ©rolling stone

Send to be by the very lovely Church Puddle in return for the Current 93 album, and I have enormous respect for his dark and bitter taste :-)

I'll catch up more later. Working tonight, once we've had a walk round the "pippy-ites" that's now part of our annual preparations.

First time 'leading' the service this morning.
At our church, tis means really just acting as kind of 'MC' and introducing the service and then each individual part.
Our cell group chose (in my abscence) to take a service as our part of giving back to the church.
Until Thursday night when I found out the format and the order of service I was very nervous, but now I'm looking forward to it.
Based (rathe rloosely I think...) around Luke 2, 8-20

God doesn't present us with challenges without giving us the tools to face them, or without a reason.

Standing up in front of the congregation shouldn't really be scary, but any kind of public speaking is well outside my comfort zone.
And it seems quite an important role to be entrusted with too, because otherwise the bits they've all set up could appear quite fragmented and I hate attending a service that is broken up like that too much.

These are the best albums ever recorded:-

Judy Garland - Live at Carnegie Hall (1961)
Scott Walker - 2 (1968)
Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers (1971)
Blondie - Blondie (1976)
Television - Marquee Moon (1977)
Ian Dury - New Boots and Panties (1977)
Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express (1977)
Kate Bush - The Kick Inside (1978)
Siouxsie and the Banshees - The Scream (1978)
John F*xx - Metamatic (1980)
The Cure - Pornography (1982)
Marc and the Mambas - Torment and Toreros (1983)
The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead (1986)
Baby Dee - Little Window (2001)
Marc Almond - Heart on Snow (2003)

It's impossible to do this kind of thing. You should see the next twenty.

You know how it is.

Worked later than later last night and was woken up as usual by the Baggins at about six.
It's a little awkward here sometimes now that F is getting her bus to school at 7.50 because everyon is ready for school themselves by then and we have about 30-40 minutes of nonsense to fill which isn't really enough time to do anything useful.
Stayed in school this morning to watch the School Concert, whch was the normal fayre of cute and must-do when you're a parent, but badly performed, embarassingly bad and hopelessly organised.
Meeting in the office at 11 whch I have more or less forgotten about but means (I think) that we are very much OK to go with a five year contract in the cruise termials next year. Relief al round.
Then today its been the office dinner, which has a humbling experience. First time in this kind of position - all seven of us out to dinner at our expense, and a fascinating view of this monster we call our company. Everyone gets on so well and the food, wine and conversation just kept flowing.
I didn't get home until nearly 6pm after having far too much to drink.
Then it was all hands to the pumps to take over feeding the kids etc etc so that Tx could go out to her Christmas meal this evening by 7 o'clock. Just spent half an hour on the phone ot my sister inviting us up on Boxing Day (we now have THREE invitations...) and contemplating going downstairs to face The Lounge and all the days washing up.

Exhausting, even just writing about it.

Took a trip up to the Fairground Art Centre this evening to see Tina's first exhibition. She's got together with four or five or her friends from University days and together they've got quite an impressive collection of works.
Surprisingly (or not) her abstract 'body image and movement' series exploring the female psyche is exactly the kin dof thing I like! Less impressed with her more formal impressionist oil painitngs and her portraits aren't great, but the conceptual stuff is stunning!
Too expensive for me, but I did by a hand made tassly bag for Kink for Christmas from one of her friends.
Tina was obviously nervous, but glad I went along. Sounds very weird being introduced as her boss, but good to see her out of context and meet the husband and kids.

One or two people (thanks mum...) have commented that I don't need to do this kind of thing every time my staff have something on outside of work. Every time? This is the first time.
To me it just seems a natural, easy and quite supporting thing to do.

I'm getting much more appreciative of art lately.
Its contemplative, and I am feeling a need to spend more time thinking, planning and writing. Ideas of Common Purpose and Co-opetition are becoming very significant.
I want to lead the company and the church next year, inspire and motivate people. Really give the places a new dimension. Mark myself out as some kind of visionary leader.
Lots of learning to do...

D was off sick today. Seems just about everyone is in some way coming down with the 'tummy bug' that hit me on Thursday evening. Only lasts 48 hours or so, but its quite a knockout blow and left me drained and exhausted over the weekend.

I have just returned. It has been raining all day, dulling the sense of awe that one usually associates with a walk through the West End at this time of year.
Everything around is soaked with the greyness of early December except, strangely, most of the trees. In the warmth of the urban environment, the trees that stand at Cambridge Circus and line the taxi ranks on Charing Cross Road still bear almost all of their green leaves, glistening in the rain, which makes the adorning Christmas lights look ridiculous and out of place. Without the strings of purple and flashing blue twined around the branches it could almost be July. It rains in July too.
Seasons blurring. Past becoming present.
In a grey street, unassuming and quiet, tucked away like Underwater Dream sex, the Con*ngsby Gallery glows like a warm log fire. In the window, propped on a simple
easel, the crisp monochromatic image of C*nemascope 1: A man in a grey suit captured crossing a plaza between clinical lines of concrete, glass and steel. It could almost be me, on the South Bank just a couple of hours before. Please ring for attention. I love big old doorbells, they have a sense of invitation. We are welcomed in and immediately left alone to enjoy the comfort and charm of the gallery, our whispered footsteps persisting with their noise on the wooden floors.
Gazing down upon us, the tranquil majesty of Heads 1, 2 and 3 - huge portraits of immense depth and power, stone faces covered in ivy, lichen, broken marble and stone.
This is Cathedrals Oceans - experienced for the first time without the music. Eerie, and powerful. Moving stillness. Transition and memory. Men? or Women? Old becoming new again in a different setting. These magnificent figures have travelled from before and beyond. There is comfort in the their familiarity, and humility at their grace and immensity.
Opposite, smaller landscape stills, hand-signed in pencil, from T*ny Colour Mov*es. The Project*on*st and Stray S*ntara Neurone. The back of a man's head this time. A woman's face.

Without really knowing why, I begin to understand. The passing of time seems no more than the passing of her hand over mine.

And in the lower gallery, hidden from the street, more colossal heads, progressing numerically from left to right around the walls. I'm learning how to read these walls. Shadow C*ty, Hand Held Sk•es and Underwater Automob*les; Swimmer 3 - a composite of 36 images of Robert Rouncef*eld's girlfriend swimming with cars. Soundless and motionless. Only the light moves in the blue stillness around her.
And then the unfamiliar. Or is it? A wing-ed man with a leather face, dressed in Someone Else's Clothes. His shoes (from Yugoslavia, in a long-gone style...) hidden among the geraniums that grow unchecked in front of a large bay window. He is The Visitor from another time. A romance with An Earlier Man.

My lover brushes against my coat.

As we move around the exhibition, looking first at each image in turn from close up, then standing back-to-back in the middle of the space turning our heads as if they were cameras, I am reminded of the time when I was a man and she was someone else. A time when there were no colours.

The last wall is Grey Su*t Mus*c, new material. A new suit cut from old cloth. The Pleasures of Electr*c*ty 1 and 2; well dressed men in shadows, walking the empty streets and familiar buildings of My Lost C*ty. The artist is comfortable in his drifting city, on personal terms with it. I am reminded again that I am not. Who is The Visitor now? Heads 8 and 9, verdant and luscious green like the trees in Cambridge Circus are suddenly austere, frowning upon me, questioning my intentions and my purpose. They look right through me with cold December eyes.
I'm lost for a moment.

This then is, Cinemasc*pe, the world of The Qu*et Man. An unrealised novel that exists in so many other formats, all moving and changing through space and time. As you stand in the Conignsby Gallery and marvel at the emerging world of John F*xx - digital artist, you can only be inspired and wonder what other treasures we have yet to discover. Both artist and gallery are as hidden away, charming and inspirational as each other. Perfectly understated.

Just wait here for a moment. There is someone I thought I knew once over there.
I will be back soon.

© birdsong, december 2007.
My thanks to everyone involved, especially Dennis de S*lva.

Cinemascope - a solo exhibition of new print and photographic work by John Foxx, runs at the Coningsby Gallery in Tottenham Street, London W1 until December 8th 2007

A little daunted by the trip to London tomorrow, despite the prospect of a visit to two art galleries.
Time alone with Jo could be difficult. Things in the office have been worse than ever this week and all commitments and 'promises' hinted at during the Head to Head seem to have vanished. I wouldn't blame her at all for handing in her notice very soon - and I do fear the consequences of that.

Both F and I have been struggling with the same cold this week and she has taken two days off school. Aching knees and arms, sore throat, difficulty breathing...
Last night I went to bed at 8pm and slept for 11 hours. That's the equivalent of three average nights.
NO wonder I'm exhausted now.

Been struggling at work to myself with the cartography that is piling up as I try to be more managerial. Both hats are difficult to wear, and I feel I get little or no support from my partner in this respect.
The opposite in fact.
He's expressed some comments about being in charge tomorrow.
Which by implication means that I am in charge the rest of the time?
So what exactly does that mean?
I need to pose this question to him and see what he understands and means to convey when he says it.

Surely it implies some kind of decision-making, judgemental position of authority, reason and direction?

Ahh, you mean in charge of everyone else, not of you? Got it. Simple.
Worth more money then, of course.

Feeling sorry for myself. Tired and uninspired.

Cell leaders meeting tonight and more than ever I want to step down from this.

Just done two more maps in the aa series.
People at the meeting talked about how much they value their evenings to relax and prepare for work the next day?
I don't prepare for work. Perhaps I need to?
Even my bones are tired.

Louis Gordon has a genie's arse

http://profile.myspace.com/frddibnah

http://profile.myspace.com/shadygradythecrumbs

Funniest thing I've heard for years. Give this man a deal someone. NOW!!!

Daniel Miller? Doesn't sound fuckin' Normal to me...

And no-one has yet discovered this backwater of creativity!

Maybe no-one ever will. It's just a laff, innit.
Man Q-Neon

It's been another surreal kind of day.
Kink's 21st birthday. The firstborn of seven, making me feel quite emotional as I chose a card for her in town at lunch time.
Difficult and uncomfortable memories. Bedsits in Bletchley. And yet my joy at her birth - running out into the street and punching the air in premature, immature happiness.
Looking forward very much to her visit her tomorrow and for the weekend.
We've come along long way in the last six years.
Baggins is in some way proof of that, as she begins to feed herself from a breakfast bowl with a 'poon' and adds wonderful new words to her vocabulary everyday. Beautiful, inspirational little person.
Then dropping Girl 4 and Boy off at school, crossing the road and walkin ginto church, kicking through wet leaves with LC on the way.
Signing cheques in church, discussing the submission of a Faculty application for the dais extension.
Exchanges thoughts and ideas on next year's Anniversary calendar of events, trying to figure out how best to preset the results of my lunch with Vicar yesterday.
Almost forgotten. Lots to reflect upon.

A brand/identity meeting in the office this afternoon, approving the new logo and discussing its usage and application across our range next year.
Signing off proof of the Venue Guide for Hampshire 2008 - 40 of the region's biggest hotels advertising together in our publication.

This evening's Business Champion Gala Dinner was something I have been dreading. Without reason of course. Both D and I in attendance and for me totally out of my comfort zone and meeting people who only know of us through their relationship with him. Big names.
We are punching far, far above our weght and are held in such regard amongst the major business players in the city.
I sat around a table with the MD of the Grand Harbour Hotel, teh MD of Hilton in this area, the MD of proerty agents Neilson Holt, Sir (?) Lawrie McMenemy, the Director Royal caribbean cruises. People with stakeholdings in serious companies, with vision, money, influence, responsibility, initiative.
D and I were the youngest people in the room by at least ten years (bar the organisers) and I have A LOT to reflect upon. We were invited back to the 5-star Grand Harbour for drinks afterwards and got a keen insight into the hoteliers and accommodation market in the city with two of the managers talking to each other and working in co-opetetion beautifully. Introduced to one another by us and our Venue Guide.
We know a LOT of people and are thought of VERY highly.
I feel significant, but acutely aware of what a shambles it is behind the scenes. That's my principle objective for next year.

I see things slightly different know, and understand D better in some ways.
It will take some time to realise the value of what we have and the potential for where we can take it.
Many people think we must be there already, which is a worry.
But its just me, its just us. Doing what we do.

Lots to learn, lots to consider. Lots to reflect upon and thank God for.
It's yet another example of letting Him tak ethe lead and put into the path those obstacles we need to face to make us stronger. Or make us reconsider and re-assess. Challenge us to think differently and give us experience and wisdom to use in other situations later on.

Is this what they refer to a 'Growing Up'??

Enormousy valuable day.
And splendid port. Made me smile when I took a first sip.

Never compromise on a cheap port.

Lonely Woman-Amon Duul 2
Long Way Home-Tom Waits
Look What The Wind Blew In-Baby Dee
Looped Los Angeles-John Foxx
Loosey Girls-Amon Düül
Lord I've Been Changed-Tom Waits
Losing My Head-Clan Of Xymox
Lost-The Cure
Lost-Plastikman
Lost and Found-The Radio Dept
Lost New York-John Foxx
Lothlorien -Bo Hansson
Love And Napalm-Gary Numan
Love Bomb-Grinderman
Love Is The Drug-Kylie
Lude 1-Six By Seven
Lude II-Six By Seven
Ludwig-Amon Düül
Luktar Gvendur-Björk
Lullaby-Ute Lemper
Luminous And Gone-John Foxx
Luna (The Moon)-Marc Almond
Lyre Liar-Throbbing Gristle

Sat up here working on these Walk maps for the AA, I am getting bored. Difficult time now that I want to get ahead of the schedule before Christmas. 38 down - 53 to go!!

But I decided to listen to londonunderlondon all through again (it really is quite SUPER and then, for whatever reason, I decided to let the playlist just run through 'L'. I have far from all my CDs on iTunes, but those that I have copied make a good set just running through in this order.

So much better than shuffle, which just repeats the same old songs.

Long chat yesterday nght with Ris, justifiably annoyed at the reaction of too many people to the gigs on Saturday. Feedback has generally been quite negative, which is both surprising and disappointing. There were more unplayed songs in the setlist than ever before (ten of the thirteen have NEVER been performed live before) but the Fans Five seems to have got lost in the others. I had predicted Europe and Mles Away I think, but otherwise Camera (TOP CHOICE!!), Shadowmn and Dancing Like A Gn.
No sign of The Graden. People have moaned that the set was too short, that both gigs were the same etc etc. and that the guys were mming. I suspect this is true and happens far too often.
Let that be an end to it. A fitting closure I think.
Have to say though that most people have been very favourable and posted some excellent footage, photos and reviews. I feel almost there.
I know its hard to get a feel from bootlegs, but the version of EATR sounds very disappointing. The piano and guitar bits just aren't right 'on tape' over a new, upbeat relentless drum pattern.
Give it up guys.
Welcome a bootleg of the ICa show courtesy PY. Reasonable quality too, but not quite a sgood as Manchester.
Which is fine, because apparently the show wasn't as good anyway.

Lunch with the vicar tomorrow, to discuss The Church Office a bit, which is becoming more than a minor irritation and more of my concern than I would have liked. Par tof me thinks that all the bitching, mistrust and lack of communication - while unhelpful - does somehow seem to remain behind closed doors and therefore doesn't much affect everyone else. So why does it bother me? I've had everyone involved except Mr Vicar moaning to me about everyone else to different degrees.
Sparing more than a passing prayer of course to our 'retiring' administrator who has gone into hospital today for major heart surgery tomorrow. He's off until february at least, so we have a period of time to patch over the cracks at least but also hopefully to repair some of them.
He's a lovely man and we all care for him and his family enormously, but he is NOT the right man to be in that job and that is really at the heart of the problem. Is it a problem? Anyway, I'll find out more intrigue tomorrow no doubt.

Too much to do in the office. Took a sickie yesterday (!!!) and worked on this home job, but also took the morning out to fit a very stubborn water butt over in the courtyard. Ended up doing a skwillion other odd jobs around the church and had to rush home for a late lunch even to get a couple of hours work in!

But our loan has come through! hrrah - now I can at last pay some of the bills that people keep ringing up about. Already looks very much as if we are not going ot get the bonus we were hoping for.
Really should make sure we have enough left to pay the staff I suppose...

So instead of the Luminaire shows today, I've been at home with the family. Very aware that I have NOT been to London and of course there is part of me that wonders about the shows and what they are like (currently writing this in between performances I reckon). In fact, even the fact that i am wondering must show that I am concerned and interested.

It's been a beautiful day though, absoultely perfect light this morning over the river and inspiring even to walk just to the Co-op over the bridge for milk and a paper. Nice to get a lie-in too, and we didn't have breakfast until after 9 o'clock which is unheard of for us!
All over to the church after ten to set up the annual Christmas Bazaar - with more people than ever helping this year, but even less stuff than ever toactually sell! I thin we did really well to raise the nominal £700 with virtually no publicity whatever. Politics and circumstances in the office meant that more or less nothing was don to promote the event, so the turnout was quite good in those circumstances. This is the first time in four years (eight bazaars) that I have NOT run a stall and I felt a bit redundant at times, but it did give me a good opportunity to observe the whole thing. really only the pubicity and marketing that lets it down - very enjoyable and effective for everyone involved on the day. Tx and I have discussed perhaps taking it on next year, as those that do it all the time are getting old and tired of it. Next summer is part of our 140th celebrations, so we could do with really pushing the boat out and trying to get back up to the £1500 income of about eight yeras ago.
People keep reminding me that it's about more than raising money, and that is true enough, but we do the 'church' thing well enough the rest of the time, so one push with fundraising as the main objective shouldn't be too bad.
Kids did very well too. F and A ran a games stall each (and raised £50 between them) and I spent the afternoon floating around with Stan and LC. Baggns still sleeps for her two hours, so Tx was able to rest up and finally give in to her heavy cold.
Good effort with the clearig up and it was well underway by 4.30 when I left with Stan and LC too go to his friend's 7th birthday party at the Megabowl.

Wha a truly fightening experience! Absolutely awful place, really stressful and intense. Loud music from three different sources simultaneously - the general PA, the widescreen TVs in the bar and the advertising screens at the end of the lanes. I'm all for music of course, but surely from only ONE source at a time. You cat actually hear or watch any of it... Flashing lights everywhere and video game machines with 48" screens less than two feet from the players seat. Are there not health and safety issues? Boring question...?
Made me feel quite sick. Expensive too, when you consider that they had a 12 yr old party host with a terrible attitude and total lack of initiative, shit food (burger in bap, no spread, no cheese. Seven chips. The little ones (four 3yr olds) had a lane of bowling while the bigger boys played Quasar. Stanley was second of four to ask to leave, scared out of his head by the darkness, noise and lights. At seven, they are far too young for this experience and shouldn't be 'growing up' so fast. Eventhe bowling was all wrong for little kids. Why the soft-porn MTV vids in a place full of samll kids and young teens.
Not that I'm being prudish, but surely they have to consider ALL their customers.

Scary too just how many 12, 13, 14 etc year olds were there, just hanging out in the 'foyer' area (ie the free bit!) playing on the arcade games, video consoles and dance mats, some in charge of kis no older than mine.
Is it entirely a good idea to have these kind of things to one side of the bar area (underage drinking??) where anyone can just sit and watch them wibbling and giggling in their not quite enough clothing too, which is rather worrying.

A good example of a whole environment where children grow up too fast. I think the providers really act quite irresponsibly in terms of the environment they create for essentially VERY young people. It hardly seems even to be safe, let alone pro-activey unhealthy.

But another disappointing aspect of this evening was that I actually ENJOY tenpin bowling. It's the environment your have to put up with that puts me off the activity.

Is there anywhere you can bowl WITHOUT the huge screen TVs, the flashing lights and the ignorant chavs that have no idea how to interact with each other or respect the people trying to play next to them?

I'm ranting a lot lately...

It has occurred to me over the last couple of days that one other factor underlying my decision not to go to Luminaire is the add-on costs.
OK, so the ticket was £8 and the T-shirt cost me less than that.
Train fare £34 and tube fare of £5 on top.
The bit in between the shows would include a meal £10 and no doubt some beers (£10). Suddenly that's £60!!! which at this time of the month I don't have so I would have had to take food with me and rely on the generosity of others for refreshment. The company could no doubt have justified the train fare somehow, but otherwise it was beyond me current means anyway.

Now Tx is asleep already and I'm about to bath Baggins while the others, knacjkered and hyper-excited from the party collapse into their beds.
Very glad that Tx's sister has postponed her visit tomorrow. Not so good that she is too ill to travel again though

That's what is encouraged these days by the media and the secular consumerism of 21st century Britain.
Uh oh - I feel a rant coming on...
In order to make people want things, you have to make them feel lacking and inadequate. They have to feel that they have no value. And then you have to make sure that when they actually get the things they think they want, that it isn't quite what they thought it was but that somehow that is their fault...

Ths I can attempt to understand how to define my feelings towards Christmas this year. More than previously. Not sure I can understand the chnage but it is progressive. Maybe because I work upstairs in a shopping centre?
I think the point I have realised (whcih has been reinforced by the reaction I have had to my decision not to go to the Foxx gigs this weekend) is that I don't NEED Christmas. It's hard to express this without seemng to criticise and patronise others which is not my intention at all.
In fact it goes more fundamental than that.

Could it be that my increasing levels of spiritual fulfillment and personal satisfaction (I'm really trying not to sound smug...) have reduced my level of need in general? Need for THINGS at least has more or less never been there, but now I find more often than not that I am living much 'closer to myself' and searching less for PROVISION from other sources?

It's true that I feel I don't actually need Christmas. Or at least this monster that 'Christmas' has become. It infuriates me that the market is swamped with purpose-built 'gifts' at this time of year as if everything that is already in the shops is no longer good enough.

What's wrong with the products already on the shelves the rest of the year??

Scary that somehow 'they' make you feel a poo-ing reindeer or some Christian socks(??) will enhance either your Christmas or someone else's...

Tx summed it up with the poo-ing reindeer analogy. It exemplifies what I mean perfectly.

I think people are being encouraged to feel that without spending money and getting the must-haves from the shops, or cooking the perfect meal, or whatever, they are somehow not going to have a good time this festive season. They are going to disappoint their children and their families. ANd the pressure this induces gets people into debt, causes stress and tension etc all because they re somehow feeling just not good enough. or that their Christmas will otherwise be crap.

This observation is an example of what I see as a wider malaise. In general, you must have THIS, you must look like THIS, you must listen to THIS, watch THIS and eat THIS otherwise you're life is crap and you are ugly and your children are deprived.
Why is that? Where does that attitude come from?
Because without it, consumerism could not survive.

I am a very difficult person to sell to. Some would say cynical, but I hope not.

I am looking forward to Chirstmas, I enjoy Christmas and it makes me happy. But Xmas does not, and I don't like being made to feel like a freak because I have no fear of my self and I have confidence in my own decision-making.
Is it wrong to be as comfortable as I am with what I have and who I am - most of the time.

I have chosen not to go on Saturday, and have experienced a number of emails and even some postings of a very accusatory nature. Unfortuantely, I have dressed my decision up as a number of 'excuses' perhaps and feel that I should have stuck to my original position of not going in the first place.
But an element of the point is that I don't NEED to go in order to call myself a fan.
I don't NEED to go in order that I have something to do on Saturday afternoon.
My life will not be fundamentally 'less' by staying away.
Relative to the other things I will be doing instead, the truth is I don't actually want to go, and that's the hard part to justify to others.

And, in this mood, I have just listened on the radio while I've been working to the last few minutes of England's football match against Croatia and the subsequent phone-in 606. I was reminded of Gary Bellamy's excellent radio 4 comedy "Down The Line". Some of the people that actually rang in and the ignorance of their point could have been made up!!
The same thread runs through this as well. I find it quite disturbing that, for a number of people, the abscence of England from the European Championships next year will have such a profound effect on their state of happiness and well-being. It's as if it is the end of the world somehow, and the bottom has fallen out of whatever chances they had of being 'alive'. Comments were made about the huge numbers of people who will be taking sick leave off work tomorrow??
What?

Come on people for goodness sake. How much does it actually matter?

It comes down to enriching your life with value in some way with some action of your own. Don't let 'them' convince you without this or that you have nothing and will never be happy.

As Terry Hall and Jerry Dammers wrote on the Specials first album:

It's up to you

The safest pair of hands to put your life into is your own.

Sorry about that. Nothing personal.
We often talk about this at my local Get a Life club…

Sincere thanks to Ris this evening for phoning and making me feel better about my decision.