There is a need to blog sometimes.
Weird.

I just watched an episode of The Convent, which was exactly what I needed to do.
Enlightening, challenging and provocative.
I have so much to learn about myself, my faith and my position in it all.
I have such a long way to go and feel very eager to move forward to a deeper understanding. So many of us know so little about ourselves.
We run and we hide.

It's not about religion, its about faith.
There is a massive difference.
I feel introspective this evening. Uncomfortable too.
So much to run from, so little that I know.
Sacrifice, surrender, exposure.
Letting the light shine into the darkest corners.
I feel I have made so little effort in the past couple of years to really try to get to grips with what it actually means to have discovered faith.
Have I been scared?

It was deeply moving to listen to Iona, the celibate folk-singer, belting out Amazing Grace a capella to close the programme
Its one of my favourite hymns.

I thought perhaps I should come back later and add the next thread to this online diary. But then no.
Life is often a random sequence of apparently unrelated events.
Such is mine anyway.

I am determined to see Foxx in Brighton. Not London.
Trx has booked that evening out.
Leo contacted me on Monday out of the blue, and we've arranged to meet up Monday. She is SUCH a laugh. And can't go to Scala, but wants to see Foxx in Brighton. Cool.
Today on the forum, betamag appears online for the first time, announcing that he has just done a 2 hour interview with JF at a London hotel and will be posting it online soon. This is the third online interview JF's given in the past two weeks.
I contacted him straightaway and bagged a copy for the archive, which he was more than happy to oblige. Told me exact time and place of the interview, details of the live set John and Louis are going to play and the title of the album they have just finished.
I dutifully passed this on, to find it was all news! Not even the main man knows. As he explained on the phone this afternoon - no-one tells him anything anymore.
So I have got an exclusive for us off my own bat, which feels great.
SPoke to betamag at length by email and he's keen to see the timeline and talk about JF at greater length, which he wondered if we coould do over a few beers at the gig - in Brighton! He's based there.
I am SO meant to go to that gig, not the London one.
RH also confided that he is away on a course for the next three weeks beginning Monday, so I should expect things to step up a little in his abscence and could I deal with a few bits and pieces.
Could I?
I think I can probably cope with that ...

Flo's tenth birthday.
Its the year of Jacqueline Wilson - diaries, notebooks, pencil cases, bed linen.
She has four 'new' friends coming over for a DVD and pizza session on Saturday afternoon. Lemony Snicket's "A series of unfortunate events" wins the prime slot, over Ice Age 2 which they have all seen. I'm OK with that - should be an interesting film.
Personally I'm dreading 'the party' though. These are all girls from her class, but none that we know. Her allegiance has shifted since Christmas and all the friends she's had for the past couple of years have been replaced with a new group that she doesn't seem to fit into at all. Who knows what goes on in their heads...?
At least LC has stopped throwing up now after her sudden explosion in the service on Sunday.
She was a bit grumpy and seemed tired (as usual for 12 o'clock) so I was carrying her around when something told me to step outside. That was when she threw up everywhere and I could do nothing, other than hold her at arms length while she poured it allover me and herself.
It was very touching to have so much support from friends in the congregation. SOmeone immediatly started clearing up as I ran into the toilets, then someone else appeared with clean clothes, a glass of water etc etc.
She's so rarely sick I am not used to dealing with it. Poor little thing went all cold and shivery afterwards and slept all afternoon, waking only to eat a piece of toast about six and then sleeping all night as well.
It passed as quickly as it came and she's been fine ever since...?

Still trying to drum up intelligent criticism of TCM and getting nowhere. John credits artists, film-makeers and photographers on the sleevenotes, but only a handful of other people have recognised this. I think it would be great to see him on The BBCs "Culture Show" - he has at least done a couple of interviews about the album which should see the light of day soon. One is for kpunk ezine and the other for the very wonderful echoes.org which also champions Harold Budd and Steve Hillage.

The tour is only a few weeks away now, and I am glad I have waited to book tickets. Trx has now booked a dinner with her friends on 27th, which is the night of the gig at Scala. So that leaves me with only really Brighton as on option on 31st, which ties in nicely with an email I had yesterday from Leo who wants to go and was wondering which gig I'd chosen. All works out nicely again of course.
One suspects there will be a live album before too long, combining all the stuff he and Louis have played since the Exotour. This should include new versions of 'My Sex' and 'No-One driving' at least. I am campaigning for them to do a version of The Man Who Dies Every Day and its gathering support, but who is to say what goes on in his head either. And a new version of 'I Want to be A Machine' would go down rather well too I fancy...

I've been trying to review The Drift, the ultimate album of 2006, but having trouble putting something together as brilliant as this:

From Pitchfork.com
The Drift is still further down an unbeaten path. Written and produced over a seven-year period, this record, like a painstakingly fine Ingmar Bergman film, moves slowly and deliberately, with an intense focus and refusal to turn away from disturbing "images." Like Tilt, its stories are taken from a varied, almost overstuffed horizon of literature, news stories, Walker's half-forgotten dreams, and otherwise poetic neuroses. Speaking visually, the music is mostly darker hues, though sudden flashes of blue light or explosive white beams punctuate an otherwise intimidating monolithic landscape. Walker describes working with "blocks of sound" as opposed to written arrangements, and the record betrays a broad, almost brawny movement, as if being slowly, persistently kicked in the gut by the characters (or characterizations) of the composer's songs.

There will doubtlessly be many listeners who don't understand how anyone could listen to such relentlessly "bleak" music, but Walker is the kind of artist that exposes a lot of would-be art as background entertainment-- and like a great artist, he doesn't actually make a value judgment out of it; he merely goes on about his work, distancing himself from the fleshy pile of pastimes and people who would obscure the most ambitious functions of art. Walker inspires, scares, confuses, provokes-- not because he wants to manipulate you, but because he's an interesting person who's worked a long time trying to make interesting music. Even at its most dissonant and abstract, this record is human to the core, and if you're ready to face a few demons, it's as inspiring as music gets.

Buy it. Say no more

Saturday was such a good day. Long and hard work (thanks to all the people who came along, and all the people who said they'd help on the day but then didn't).
We were really stretched all afternoon and had to have some of us running two stalls, which was quite a challenge. As usual I did the bric-a-brac with Trx and the kids, but spent too much time playing host in old church, changing the music and leading interested people round.
We eneded up with three more families in the servcie on Sunday, so a great result.
And we managed to raise over £1500, which should help a bit towards to drains and electrical work that needs doing.
This idea of 're'-writing Doris Beer's History of the Church is really taking off. it seems everyone has heard of the plan, and is keen to submit material including loads of old photos and stuff. The plan apparently is to have a Guide Book for sale at next year's fete!!

Turned out to be an exhausting day, and we really could have done with the girls arriving at 9pm for a second weekend visit. I have no doubt now having spoke to K at length late into the night (which was REALLY good...) that she is more than a little keen on one of the new volunteers who turned up last weekend and that this has a bearing on her planning to come down every Sunday to help run this particular exhibition. Her name's Pip and she's "really cute" -. Live just up the road in Winchester so we'll wait and see what develops there.
It is a Big Deal having them to saty though, they leave the place in such a mess to tidy up late Sunday that we could really do without. Already made excuses for not being around next weeknd. A day trip on teh Sunday and coming in for dinner after work would be fine, but the overnight thing makes it really stressful, esp for Trx wh finds it all extra hard work that she doesn't need right now.

Not sure how the mini-TIC leaflet racks worked at the Fete,. I put several things on each table around the cream teas and the barbecue - vis guides, attraction leaflets, maps etc - the idea being that people could sit and read something while they ate and maybe stay half an hour longer as a result and buy more things.
Seemed quite effective - that whole area was packed all afternoon and the barby was sold out after only an hour.
Next year tho we really do need more commitment from people to help out. Especially if they say they are going to and then don't come. We need to make phonecalls before and on the day to reming them of their committment. P & G both did a wonderful job, but found it very stressful.

In church on Sunday we sang this hymn, the words of which really struck a chord:
Jesus, what can I give
What can I bring?
To so loving a friend
To so faithful a king

That to me is exactly why I love it.
Turn up to help with the fete and ask those questions of the right people - What can I give? What can I bring? The rewards are enormous. being part of this is one of my favourite days of the year.
High Happiness Rating and all that - satisfaction seeing people thronging around, children laughing with balloons, bouncy castles, face-paint; neighbours chatting over cream teas; meeting with friends you see around but never chat to; talking to people about the church and what it means to them. Loiots of our older community have wonderful stories.
I spoke to a man in the church after he'd sat for twenty minutes in the front pews. Nodded at me as he left, and I asked how he was.
Do you know, I haven't been in here for forty years.
MY parents got married here in the 30s, and I remember coming to the Sunday school when I was a kid.
It's a beautiful place...

That's what it's all about:D

Soemtimes its good to be pessimistic - days can then have a habit of being much better than expected.

The QE2 Terminal embarkation corridors look great - 23 poster frames fitted up and labelled. Some of them even have a spcae holder in them.
Wonderful views across the water while drilling them in - and we had finished by just after 1pm. Did a load of deliveries then, and I once agin realized how much I love my job. There are difficulties getting on with D now and then, and we often don't understand one another, but working together and sharing ideas is one of the things that really does seem to work.
The Cruise Terminals is an inspired idea, and little wonder then than we have a number of media buying agencies interested.

Delivering maps and Pocket Guides too is such a good feeling.
A product that I conceived 6 or 8 years ago. Began to field walk the city when Flo was a baby at home and I was working freelance.
Researched the map, designed it, drew it, published it and now deliver it to stockists and even now and then fill up POS on the shop counters. Sells around 250 copies a month, which is never going to earn me a million, but its an encouraging level of sales and has been slowly picking up over the last three editions.
Conference Guide and Room Folders in the next month or two, new Forest map (also third edition) not to mention all the contract work.

D has denied anyhting to do with being on my computer yesterday evening. Apparently his laptop 'does that too sometimes'. Mysteriously empties the cache and clears the browser histroy? Funny that...
I didn't bother to argue. The mouse being reconnected for a left-hnaded person really told me all I needed to know anyway. Makes the whole issue difficult to deal with though now its kind of over.

Out this evening helping to set up the Fete. garage full of leaflets, racking and notices, bunting and tables.
Pray for the weather to continue

It's a ridiculous time to still be sitting in the office working!
Ian's job for Thomas Cook came back this morning and I seem to have made a complete pig's ear of it!! This doesn't happen often, but I have misread the instructions and missed out half of the work.
But he's here to, helping me sort it out. We have done about four hours work EACH but coming to the end now.

A problem I have to face tomorrow tho is D somehow fiddling with the machine again.
I left at 5ish, and by the time I got in at 8 and the office was empty I noticed tat my Internet history had been cleared??? REALLY maddening, given that I was sourcing aerial photos and had loads of other bits and pieces going on.
And a different homepage???? What makes it worse is that there is already an account set up for visitors to the fekkin machine, but he chose instead to log in as me!
And then none of the fonts were working and the 'recent items' folder shows various wmv movies that I couldn't open because the original files were missing.
I am seriously cross about this. It makes me feel I can't trust him and that's scary when we have to work together...

Not looking forward to tomorrow now - a whole day at the cruise terminals drilling walls to put up picture frames. Into glass fibre. Nice...

The garden fence has gone. Mister Builder Man is working hard, fast and clean. We pray everyday that the money will come thru and as a last resort have arranged to borrow.
It WILL be OK. have faith.
Very exciting at last to think we might be able to sort the garden.

BIG BAD night yesterday too, one of our worst for ages.
I had Those Thoughts again, and my mind turned to sex. Messed me up for the whole night. I am trying, but it is very hard at times to keep a lid on things.
Ironically, we both wanted the same thing and neither knew how or what to say or do about it. Ended up blaming each other for not saying or doing anything and made the whole silly situation worse. Its gone now. back in the box for a wekk or so I hope.

Random email today from CB. been missing each other as I haven't done cell or church for a couple of weeks and she's been going to an earlier service to 'avoid people'. Arranged to meet for lunch one day next week which will be great.
After the fete.
I'm actually looking forward to that.
Always works for me...

Mum and Dad came down on Saturday. great to spend some time with them again and they both seemed on good form. Dad especially - his presence inspired me to put the arch up around the front door and re-plant the passion flower, and later on Sunday to dig up the last remaining tree stump before blokey comes on Wednesday to start work on the wall.
Flo took part in the BT Giant Sleepover at Brownies - ended up having only three hours sleep between 3 and 6 am!! no wonder then that she was tired, silly and quite difficult all day Sunday!
The girls arrived about an hour after mum and dad had left, so they would have overlapped around Oxford sometime I think. K was very pleased with herself to have driven 'all the way' by herself for the first time, and I'm really proud of her. We've been waiting for this freedom for a year or so, and now that she can drive it has made a huge difference.
She worked at the Gallery Sunday afternoon, and has volunteeered for next weekend too (???). Not sure how that will work.
The rest of us just kept Sunday very low key and went over to Weston Shore to throw stones inthe sea and collect shells for an couple of hours.
First time for months that we haven't been to church...

I gave up with the TC work on Dubai for Ian and finished it off in the office today. Just now in fact.
All done, and no problems of course on a fast sexy machine.

30 weeks today. Time is passing and The Date is getting nearer.
Trx is blooming marvellous now, looking fantastic of course. Achy and tired, but coming very well given the heat etc...
Cousin Dawn had a baby Saturday afternoon, so both Hannah and Elizabeth are now off the list. not they they were ever on it, but we really need to come up with somehting. Martha is now out, Muriel too - but Maisy is still up there. These are middle names. It needs to begin with m as I said before. We have limited options.
Betty, Minnie, Dorothy, Grace.

And if its a boy??? Hmmm - Frederick, Walter.

I really don't need this extra Thomas Cook work and probably won't volunteer for any more.
It's really bitty and badly compiled so takes far longer than it needs to, and now for whatever reason the Mac is playing up and keeps quitting out of Illustrator.
Struggled to get myself up here working tonight anyway - really only the thought of putting on Steve Hillage's 'Golden Section' album (borrowed from maple) gave me any inspiration at all.
It's not my style at all though, IDm is all very well but this has an element of tranc ein it and mor ethan a hint of the Eastern and African influences that I know he likes. World Music per se really doesn't move me very far.
So I'm giving up - which means I 'll have to do some in the office on Sunday night after all.

Annoyed would be a good phrase.

So now I have a chance to sit and read through Doris beer's "A History of a parish Church" about our local - from its foundation in 1867 to 1967. The warden has offered to set me up with an interview with her so that we can bring the book up to date - it would certainly be something to re-publish for the 150 years!
That gives me 11 years - which I think I might need...

Well, sometimes its good to be wrong.
Like everyone else, I was frustrated by England's performance yesterday but they did very well int he last half hour and looked a more balanced purposeful team.
I do hope tho that we don't end up playing Germany in the next round...

Enough. Real life and all that.
Lj are playing the annoying game and trying to knock down the agreed price for the World Atlas. A complete waste of time that I mind disrespectful. I've been asked to send some provisional work thru to the Indian subcontractors already, but that can wait until we get this silly argument over.

Had a great chat with Maple yesterday and he's all briefed and ready to go with the Botley branding. We then started talkng about the whole issue of websites and the way they are changing rapidly in the event of communities and open sourcing.
made me think if this is the way to go with metamatic. It is really stuck in the early 90s in terms of the laborious way it is put together, and that is now acting against it.
Were it to be re-launched and redefined as an open source network, we could still be webmasters, but everyone who subscribed to the site would have the opportunity to submit content. We could have all the reviews posted up somewhere, fans pictures from gigs, bits from the vaults that come along.
All the stuff that is up at EV now of course, but managed thru metamatic and hosted in a different way.
Seems the way to go as far as I'm concerned and there's a lot of potential in it. Maple did of course suggest that he could help me set up a site that worked like this anyway as an alternative to the 'official' oe, but I need to get a reaction and some feedback from the main man in a couple of weeks time before I even think about going down this route.

Loads of running about with jo today taking display stands down, collecting and delivering leaflets.
Gave me the idea that we could maybe put up some racking at the fete next weekend and give people an opportunity to collect some leaflets. Maybe even sell a few maps for pennies.
I'll run this past the organisers.
pageone has gone up in the Church centre, whcihis really encouraging.
Until the ad goes in the next issue from FYEO, and then I won't be renewing it.
I am still uncomfortable withthis and have made that clear, but our Sales Executive has gone ahead and signed them up anyway. One is going to defer putting the poster together next month and ask for him to do it himself. I can see lots of fallout from this - particularly from the Council of Faiths who are keen to develop their presence!
It was very annoying to witness D's hypocrisy the other day, openly declaring tha it was funny that the organisation should have 'one of least religious people I know' acting as their treasurer and sitting on all the committee meetings.

It's ain't cool...

One other little rant about things.

Walking round to maples last night, I met a girl we know whose friends with our neighbours daughter. She hung around a lot when LC was born but has now moved a few streets away and doesn't visit them anymore. Still see her about and she always waves at the kids etc etc.
Probably 14 now I should think, and was with two friends last night when I met her.
Far too forward I thought, asking about their recently lost kitten. Too much hair tossing and finger twiddling from one of her friends and all seeming much too keen to chat to me - a middle aged bloke they just happen to know of. This kind of behaviour does worry me. I know and its cool that I am OK with it, and have an open, approachable nature,(perhaps cuz I have teenage daughters??) but at least two of the girls didn't know me from Adam and really shouldn't have been so trusting and all that.
Maybe she was relaxed because she knew she could trust me and was confident enough to behave like this, but I do hope they are not like this with everyone.
Seems there are too many kids growing up with rather too much need for adult attention, and this is what puts them in rather vulnerable situations. I helped a kid the other day who claimed to have been 'stuck up a treee' (did I blog about that?) He called over to me, and I helped him down.
Again, I could have been anyone. These are generally kids whose parents don't know where they are half the time, or give a monkey's about what they get up to. Until the police come knocking because they've either caused trouble or something has happened to them. Then it's everyone else's fault, and they scream and shout and blame the society we live.

Rights are all very well, but whatever happened to responsibilities???

Reminds me of Tenby with the Wilsons five summers ago. IW (who is a policeman) and me were on the beach with his daughter and Alice, rummaging about on the tideline. Two girls were playing near us (maybe 10-12 yr olds?) and we noticed them slowly drifitng over, asking what we had found etc and starting to join in with us. Our two daughters then ran off to show their mums all the suff and generally just stopped being there, leaving IW and myself chatting with these grils, showing them bits of seaweed, explaining about birds etc and IW found a fantastic hermit crab.
They explained at great length how they were staying at Butlins just over there or something, that they were cousins and ther mum, aunty and boyfriends were 'in there. I dunno, doin stuff...' They spent far too long with us and we had to walk back with them later, just to make sure they got back safe.
Its good to be trusted like this, (they dint know IW's profession of course) and perhaps sensed we could handle it, but looking back we said at the time how vulnerable they were and what a potentially dangerous situation they had naively put themselves in.
All they need is a bit of time spending with them, a bit of respect and encouragement.
It's really not hard.

I'm enjoying the whole football thing.
Not a supporter of any one team in particular, and perhaps a bit cynical about England.
But the Germany were lass than impressive today against Poland and came away with a win that puts them in the second round.

I have a hunch that England will slip up this year, and not do as well as everyone hopes. Don't ask me why.
Could it come in tomorrow's game (today, in fact) when Trinidad & Tobago get the biggest international of their lives?
Hope not, it would be embarassing, but I'm going ot suggest this game will end 1-1. England will go a stupid goal down early on and then battle and equalise towards the end.
Which throws the group wide open. Actually that's appropriate because it wouldn't be right if their place in the second round was guaranteed. It would be fun to see it dependant on the result of another game (T&T v Paraguay??).

I expect us to get to the second round.. My money for the final is on the Czech Republic. The freshest and most inspiring side I've seen yet with a realistic chance. Although Spain looked good earlier.
Germany v Czech Republic.

What are the chances...?
What the f**k do I know about football??

Work is starting to feel as if we are really moving forward.

I went up to Oxford (again!) today and agreed terms with LJ to Project manage the new DK World Atlas.
What was particularly encouraging was that most costings we not wildly inaccurate and I went in asking for only £5K more than they wanted to offer, so we have done a good old-fashioned compromise and everyone is happy.
I'm still nervous about coping with the biggest single job I've ever done tho!
Put this in with the Botley branding thingy and we have now cashflowed the business for the rest of the year on cartography alone!
At the end of 2005, we forecast about £15K income for the year only onthe mapping as it has declined in the last two years. So far now up to over £40K. How silly we are - and naive, perhaps.
This is certainly true of the Cruise terminals which are really attracting some big Media-Buying Super Wanky Agencies from London. They'll pay five figures easily for a campaign, so if we can get this right as well things are sorting themselves out.
New Forest map goes to print end of the month. Third edition. We have less than 1000 left in stock, so a 20K print runis working out exactly right.
I'm doing the Hampshire Conference Guide in the daytime this week, and working for Thomas Cook in the evening on some really crappy maps for there travel packages. cash in the pocket though, to add to the fund.
Room Folders starting to pile up, and we will be ordering the covers for those int he next week or so. D has negotiated a free room down the corridor to lay them all out in and Jo will soon be setting up a litl eproduction line ot put them together.
Not to mention another ten sites for pageone (inc. all the libraries at last) and the Hamble River Directory for the next two years...

Seems we are to be graced with avisit from the girls this weekend. Kink is going to drive all the way herself, with Biscuit, to work at the Art GAllery for the afternoon on Sunday. Not quite sure I understand the logic, but it will be great to see them.
Seem to still be talking, despite working together now...
Ties in with a visit from Mum and Dad on Saturday too - so a busy weekend.
Flo has a sleepover at brownies, Stan has another birthday party on Sunday afternoon. This one's a Peter Pan theme, so he'll be dressing up as a pirate again.
Had his 'health check' at school this morning and passed everything with perfectly average marks. Can't ask for more than that.
Noticed that his reading has really picked up in the last couple of weeks and he has all of a sudden grasped the basics.Great to listen when he helps out withthe story of an evening. We had "When Ted fellout of Bed" tonight.:p

I'm still impressed not only with TCM, but also now Guthrie's album "Continental" which I played in the car up to Oxford today. Won't probably be reviewing it as I'm not familiar enough with his stuff and I can't be bothered, but I would recommend it. A unique sound, very cleverly structured.
Its proving a good year for music.
i think three new albums so far, and all superb.
The Drift, TinyColourMOvies and Continental.

Should hopefully get the Hydrogen Dukebox collection tomorrow.

Some days are just silly.
Big production meeting at work, and we actually generated quite a buzz with al the stuff we have going on. I've arranged to meet with DK on Wednesday in Oxford and put forward my fee for doing their world atlas, and JO has started the ball rolling towards the plan for Botley.
I spoke to Maple regarding the logo design and we have decided to go with him. There a hundreds of millions of people offering this kind of branding and corporate identity service, so we are just going to stick to what we know.
He rang me just after seven but I had to cut short to do the Brownie Thing. Delivering four girlsto other parts of the city - my turn this wek and it alwasy takes ages. I just walked in when MS rang to discuss the photography contract. I had to cut him short too when Fiona appeared at the door, from the Book Group I remember I belong to. I had completely forgotten the meeting was tonight and have read slightly less than Fuck All of the nominated text.
Nevertheless, I couldn't refuse her request for someone to let the others into her house while she had to attend something at work.
very bizarre. She only lives opposite and I 've never been to the house where the Group now meets regulalrly,a nd even though I didn't stay tonight I just went over and opened up and then rushed away to IJW over at Hedge End.
We're doing some work for Thomas Cook together. Or rather, I am taking over one of his contracts while he works full time on another one at the AA.
This is the kind of work I call my Garden Wall Fund.

Of course, it only took an hour to chat about the work and then we found ourselves drawn to the pub for too much beer.
I am SO tired it really isn't that funny anymore.

But I have caught up with a lot of people lately. An hour and a half to RH on Sunday afternoon, completely crashing dinner and upsetting Trx no end. Then Kink and Biscuit, who started working together today!! Not sur ehow that's going to work out, but it is good of K to get her sister a job at the same place ove r the summer break from college.
And J too, oh - at last! Missed our MSN chatettes and it was real buzz to finally hit. Always makes me smile, and on the back of our exchange I was sufficiently inspired to finish my review of TCM. Sahme COTR has folded really, bt was it really over a year ago. So much water, so many tides

You might call this a review...

Stray Sinatra Syndrome
Massive droning synths to set the scene. Technically very crisp, perfectly defined sonic architecture. Beams of sound like notes from an electric violin notes pass between the headphones over the background, like searchlight beams traversing the starlit night sky, passing over the occasional helicopter
My loves have come, my loves have gone...
Most of what follows is in here somewhere.

Lost New York
A more melodic piece, with achingly deep bass notes. Hints of familair, unfulfilled melodies and partially glimpsed memories from an earlier period. Melancholic, fractals of heart-breaking sadness.

Kurfursturdamm
?? A tune. What?? How cool. The first 'danceable' rhythmic piece. Starts well and has cheerful upbeat presence, but the melody is too JMJ and Vangelis for my taste. Most unFoxxlike track on the album and its immediate catchiness quickly becomes annoying. Nods appreciatively to the Man Machine, while bearing more than a passing resemblance to Equinox!! Though a clever attempt to be both retrospective and futuristic, this long piece ends up being not quite one or the other. As one becomes more familiar with TCM as a whole, Kurfursterdamm starts to feel uncomfortably out of place.

Skyscraper
A calming antidote. Majestic. This is a beautiful piece. Best so far.
Sweeping, oceanic. Represents the story very well, about floating above a sea of cloud.

The Projectionist
Immediately interesting change of pitch and shift of emphasis.
This is digital birdsong. *Note to self - that's a GREAT phrase* Foxx at his most experimental. Does this come from Cathedral Oceans?
Tiny drops of water on a deep, silent pool. Piercing high notes that make your ears bleed. Described by Foxx as moving, grotesque and unsettling - none the worse for that. One of the most challenging pieces - a montage of beautiful, surprising and agonising sequences.

Looped Los Angeles
Again Kraftwerk, with hints of Vangelis. Immediately more accessible and there is much here to comfort the listener still reeling from the previous shocker. Unrealised though, and lacking in conviction. Weak and doesn't seem to go anywhere.
Looped, of course. Perhaps I have missed the point...

Points of departure
The first of two 'interludes' which break up the album
St Paul speaks of the tongues of angels.
Chanting obscure choral harmonies.
Strangely beautiful. Is that what Enter The Angel 2 was meant to do?

Part two begins with the epic
X-Ray Vision, a score to accompany extraordinary candid footage of public and political figures engaged in secretly filmed moments of banality. This piece is hugely melodramatic, persistant and quite disturbing in its complexity.

Smokescreen
A few melodic piano chords wander across a hazy background of drifting synths. Glimpses and echoes of fragmented sounds break the flow and the whole unnerving piece is strangely disjointed.
Stray Sinatra Syndrome, Part 2?

In Underwater Automobiles, Foxx immediately steps up the tempo and introduces a haunting piece in a higher key than all except The Projectionist. A very complex sequence of aural images to accompany grainy super 8mm film of abandoned cars on the bed of a lake. This is classic Ballardesque imagery, and classic John Foxx.

A Peripheral Character is another more rhythmic piece akin to Kurfursterdamm but without the cheesy melody, and stands out as one of the albums highlights. Foxx is magnificently restrained throughout, hinting that he is about to launch into a flambouyant ARP solo from the Mysterious Ways outtakes, then cutting himself short with bursts of the spraycan sounds from Crash and Burn. Fragments, fractions. Pure Gestalt genius.

This extraordinary, damaged and curiously incomplete set closes with the alarmingly Shadow City. Echoes of windblown litter in alleyways, glimpses of scuttling rodents and twilight people.

After Interlude, a bizarre 40-second piece of curious doodlings, Foxx moves into the dark and threatening
Thought experiment
Deep thundrous rumbling bass notes that characteris TCM throughout are used to their best effect here, penetrated with clanging, bell-like notes linking short bursts of radio interference and single resonanting notes of extraordinary clarity.

Hand Held Skies is a natural follow-on, lightening the mood somewhat, but retaining the complexity. Or is that simplicity??
There are no edges here, and this isone of the most inspired titles Foxx has ever come up with. Bass notes roll like thunder.
This beautiful piece is one of the most filmic.

__________

Foxx is asking lots of questions on this album, hinting at all sorts of ideas.I can't make a conclusion about its standing alongside his other work, and that's what makes it such an interesting album.
I'm quite happy to say I misjudged it, based on a crappy quality low-res download of one of its weakest moments.
That's the thing with entering new ground isn't it? There is no-one telling which way to go for the best, and you often take a few wrong turnings. Depends where you want to end up of course, and how many of us know that when we step ou the front door? It can be a dangerous business.

Highlights? Tracks 4, 5, 10 and 11.

TinyColourMovies is as close as John's come yet to a musical map.
Sweeping highways and twisting untrodden footpaths connect familar, forgotten and fascinating places. Its up to you where you want to go and there's no obvious beginning or end. There's plenty of familar landmarks along whichever path, and a plethora of signs to take you off in a labyrinth of other directions. Pack some tea...

©birdsong 2006. You know the rules

First proper day 'at home' since the holiday so a lot of domestic stuff to catch up on.
Took the kids into town first thing to get soem new sandals (only two pairs needed, so got away with a fairly cheap round) then I stayed up the local shops with Stan doing odds and ends.
Shock - horror - I BOUGHT SOME NEW CLOTHES!! That never happens int he history of EVER. Spend almost five pounds on two pairs of shorts. Had to have an icecream almost immediatlet afterwards to recover from the shock!!
Got home to find Trx has set the "paddy-la poo" up in the garden so the kids ran around splashing that while we tackled some of the back garden.
Mr Man is booked to come in three weeks time and start building our new wall so there's quite a bit of clearing up to do.
We've set this up in a "planning for success" kind of way, and pray everyday for some divine help with the financial side of the project. At the moment, we can't even pay one quarter of his (very reasonable) bill, so somethng needs to turn up quite quickly.

On paper it is fine, cos I've just doen a deal with IJW to help him out in the evenings over the next few weeks with soem work for TimeOut on some of their travel guides. He has no idea how he managed to get this contract work and is very nervous about making a good job, but I don't doubt it will be fine.

Finished off most of the bits and bobs in time to watch the second half of England's game against Paraguay, and came away from the TV laughing. It's always the same, and I do wonder why people expect it to be different.
There is an English way of playing these international games that is almost without exception disappointing,a nd yet we, as a nation, tend to think we have the best national team in the world and built it all up to me so much more than it ever is.
I feel a sense of desperation when I look at all the money people have spent on kit, banners, flags etc etc, all hopes for their future well-being and happiness pinned on the boys in germany. Isn't there anything else to live for??
We are kidding ourselves if we think England are going to win, but perhaps that's not really the point?

I watched the Germany match too, and the second half of Trinidad against Sweden. Almost without exception the players seem happy to be there, proud to be wearing the shirt and genuinely enjoying their football. We act as if winning is the only thing that matters.
This is exactly the reason I watch the World Cup but don't otherwise follow football. I like the SPORT, the GAME of football, but not all the other shit that goes with it. And why why why do the press go on and on abouty Fekking Rooney? No wonder the other players feel they can't win if he's not with them on the pitch.
Piss off and let someone else have a go.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the team and I do wish them well. But they need to lighten up, ehjoy being there and put their egoes aside for a few weeks.
And we, the supporting public, need to let them without hanging every hope we have for the future of our society on a few guys kicking a ball around. Lots of guys do that in the parks every week just for the fun of being there. It's much better to watch.

Need to work tonight on some Foxx things. I have let the Media Archive slip over the last few weeks and haven't written anything.
Sent That email on Wednesday, and having the predicted Second Thoughts about it being taken the wrong way. I know it was the right thing to do, but I am naturally a 'worry head'.

Guthrie's "Continental" album ahs only come out of the CD player to make occasional playing time for his "Everlasting" EP and a couple more dives into the pool of The Drift.
Continental is very interesting, because it has more body and depth than I expected, and is considerably more percussive than most of his other material. The last track 'Pale' is exceptionally good, and I recognise it now as closing the set at Oxford. How will I know if Foxx turned up at the Bath gig. No-one seems to have gone along to that.

What this dfoes mean of course is that I haven't yet had any burning desire to immerse myself in TinyColourMovies. One play right thru and a couple of edited highlights. there is a lot going on in the music, and its extremely clever. Good to see John moving into new areas, and I love the retrospective nature of some of the pieces (reminiscent of The Man Machine at least) but there is a move towrds the whole Jean Michel Jarre and Vangelis end of the spectrum that I'm really not comfortable with.
It seems like the album is both like nothing he has done before and yet like everything he has done before. Strangely not one thing or another. I've been promised its a grower, but it's not obvious yet.
Tonight, as I write, I will it give it soem more deserved attention

Didn't take the digital camera with us, so I 've had to wait and scan a few.
here's the only one we got of all of us together.
L-R Your host, Flo, Alice, Trx,(bump), Stan, Elsi

Lovely...:p

Not sure I can really be doing with all this retrospective blogging.
There are a couple of other highlights of the holiday that I want to note hear, but I can't be arsed anymore with copying out my diary.

Wednesday evening, because we had more time having eaten earlier, I took Bunday up on his invitation to go over and see the Glaslyn Ospreys. It was a LONG WAY but we found the nest site easy enough, a mile or two up the valley from the RSPB reserve and 'viewpoint'. Apparently you can't see the birds from there at all, other than via NestCam or some such bollocks.
Means the birds stay undisturbed by dudes and grockles though I suppose. Bunday has found a great vantage point to watch the nest from a layby, where he also picked up Pied Flicker on Monday.
Easy tospot the nest atop the pine tree, and Mr Osprey flew in after we'd only been there a minute or three. No food for Mrs Osprey, but they did lots of crazy courtship and chicken dancing. Always appear to me to be such shaggy, untidy and rather manky birds, Ospreys, never quite managing to be as elegant and generally cool as most other raptors.
Brilliant hit though, and the first Opspreys I've seen since my spectacular early morning find at Farmoor 13 years ago!

Drove thence round the bends to the Cob at Porthmadog, stopping on the way to view the nest again from the exact opposite side.
Pulled up outside the legendary Cob Records (sadly closed of course, this being about 9pm) and noticed there seemed to be somethng on fire somewhere in the town.
An old man came out of his house to see, and he was carrying the most incredible pair of bins I have ever seen. At least a foot long, and with an object lens on at least 80mm!! Completely ridiculous, and made even more so by the red glow of the sunset on the lenses. He looked like that scene from the TV Room at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!! Another of those Great Moments in World Birding.

And it was followed, almost unbelievably by another. There;s a lot of mileage in this evening I think. We walked into the Cob over the footbridge under the gaze of a group of teenagers on top of the clifff face looking down on us. Loads of verbal abuse, mostly good natured, ad of course we looked up at them. Couldn't see the lads that were obviously up there shouting at us, just two girls. Why is there ALWAYS one attractive one and one 'minger'??
For the first time In my life I was mooned at - by a fifteen yr old girl!
Rather splendid actually - I don't know quite what she wanted to achieve or how offensive it was meant to be, but it din't have that effect on me at all?
I called back "That'll do nicely" or some crass comment, and had the others in absolute hysterics.
Silly I suppose, and a crazy thing to do. Certainly made a lasting image in my head.

So that's probably it for the holiday, unless something else particularly comes back to me. Real life is far too busy and exciting for there to be enough time to catch up with last week.

I've just come in from the annual nightjar evening in the Forest, at Yew Tree Heath again this year, Bunday himself coming along with me and Dr Dave.
I wonder if we aren't still a week early.
Beautiful clear evening didn't help as it turned very chilly quickly and there were hardly any moths on the wing, but we were surrounded by nightjar song almost all the time from about 9.15 onwards. Very little aerial activity, soo I suspect the males are still establishing territories and either not yet displaying, or the ladies are sitting on eggs and there are not yet any young to feed. certainly we had very little aerial activity tonight and saw the briefest glimpses of only two birds. Only one instance of wing-clapping, which was a bit of a disappointment.
Not that nightjarring can ever be disappointing. It is an almost magical experience and never fails to inspire me every year. And we did have quick views of two Dartfords too, and lots of song, so nothing really to complain about in tavern afterwards, where the Old Thumper went down beautifully.

Work has picked up a pace in the last couple of days, and I have been asked to consider taking on the Project management of the new DK World Atlas for LJ!!! A ridiculously huge project that is probably worth more than £30K over the next four months but may require up to a thousand man hours. I'm up for it, but D and I need to talk it thru properly. He was out today showing London-based media-buying wankers around the Cruise Terminal sites.
It's quite shocking the amount of money that some companies will pay just to have a poster up somewhere advertising maybe a book, an album or a credit card. Upwards of £10K for a three month campaign??? Hello???

Seems to me now quite clear that one of the main reasons we came on this Wales holiday was to discover the beautiful town of Caernarfon.
Half an hour north of the house and very accessible.
We first went Tuesday to "do " the castle and fell in love with the place instantly. First impressions are that it seems to have everything. Dignity, pride, humility, history, aspect. The castle stands on the mouth of the River Seoint of course, proudly overlooking the Menai Straits, built to oppress the Welsh peasants by Edward 2 in the opulent style of similar fortresses in Rome and Constantinople. A stunning collection of towers, winding staircases, shadowy corridors, high bits, underground bits - wonderful for Exploration and Discovery and the kids all had a fantastic time. The "keep of the grass" rule seems a little pedantic and over-zealous, but that's my only minor criticism. And very reasonable price too for an attraction of this kind - £18 for a family ticket.
We feel loaded with cash this week (I have £400 in an envelope on the windowsill!) so day trips like this are very affordable and much appreciated. Thanks in part to Mr and Mrs V for their contribution.
Took a brief walk after the castle around the narrow streets within the old town walls and discovered a delightful tea room that we went back to again the next day with the BAs! And in the carpark, we pulled up more or less next to the little hut from which The Queen of the Seas takes passengers on a 45 minute trip up the Menai Straits to the entrance on Caernarfon Bay. Easy decision that we should suggest this as something for the whole house to do together if the weather continues to improve. Looks like the trip to Bardsey Island might be off becasue at £35 EACH it seems rather a lot. And I'm not planning on doing anything much without the rest of the family this week.
In a way I'm expecting this to be challenged by the Men and Women's Days Out we have been threatened with, and the constant offers of babysitters.
All very kind and well-intentioned I know, but this week really is a much-needed opportunity to spend some Quality Time with the kids. Does that sound twee? I hope not. EVERYONE keeps telling us what a wonderful family we are, how well we all get on, how interactive, socialable, well-balanced etc the kids are, how you would never guess-there-were-four-of-them, and all these equally humbling praise. Now is their chance to see us "under the spotlight" as it were, and see the reasons why things (apparently) present so well. And we don't intend to change it - by going out on our own, eating at different times etc etc.

Especially not after this mornings adventure. Perhaps another reason we have been brought here is to re-discover each other...
Great when it comes out of the blue. Trx always an inspiration and I was woken up by her naughty naughty fingers at half past five this morning. One hand on me and one on the bump - how cool is THAT!!!
Mother Fist, bring me your five young daughters... Has no doubt cleared the air - for her too becasue she is coming alive now as we settle into the week. It's fantabulous being around her and watching her interact socially with others around the table.
Seems to be getting on especially well with BC of course, they always have, and starting to chill with TB and SR too. Hope they can get a relationship going as I think S is looking for some confidence in her early pregnancy.

So it was back to Caernavon today (Weds) because evryone without exception agreed that the boat trip on the Strait was a good idea. We are cooking today and must get off a bit early to do The Shopping.
It's becoming a real issue with the C*s on their ridiculous Can't-Eat-ThAtkins carbfree diet. What a silly thing to start on a communal holiday week. Everyone is having to cook seperately for them, and for the kids (our kids at least) and for TB who won't eat anythng on principle and isn't allowed (??) to eat with the other children.
I got a deal on the boat (three people chose not to come) and they allowed 12 adults and six kids on for £40. Absolutely stunning - the best 'activity' of the week for me. Wherever possible I will choose a boat trip, a harbour cruise, an island crossing or something of the sort and this one proved one of the most interesting. We had a chatty and informative guide which helped, pointing out local sites and stuff along the Anglesea coast, and with DR myself and TB shouting out bird sightings every few minutes we entertained everyone. DR picked up the first seal and we had another one on the way back.
It will be interesting to see if our 'experiment' tonight with EVRYONE eating together works out. Bring the adults meal forward an hour or so to half six, and push the children later.
AND we ate in the garden becaus the weather is suddenly stunning, walm and clear. last night's BBQ didn't work so well because of the wind and the threat of rain. Mr Vicar did cook on the shiny new BBQ in the garden, but we ate indoors. And drank. And played Scrabble. Trx palyed Wordrop with three others and kept kicking me under the table and poking me whenevr we walked past each other. These things are the best signs of all that she is relaxed and happy. And of course, the more abusive she becomes, the more inspired I feel and so forth and so on etcetera....