One of my favourite blogs is that of guitarist Robin Guthrie - currently enjoying a week recording some music with Harold Budd in San Francisco!!

now that's what I call… quite good.

Can't wait to hear the results of that - just hope it gets it released.
Apparently there is an album with Foxx done and staning in a cupboard on tape somewhere.
He writes well though, with real candour and is an inspiration to me in that respect - as well as being a GENIUS with a guitar.

It took two bottles of Amé, loads of toast and talking until after midnight last night to sort things out, but the tide has turned now and things are much better.
MUCH better in fact than they have been for a long time.
If we can follow through and stick to some of the agreements we came to, then the period ahead of us should be free of these silly misundersatndings, apprehensions, confused obligations.
In my emotionally constipated state I find it very difficult to express negativities and always assume they will be taken the wrong way - so I never manage to say anything and things get slowly more and more out of perspective.
Of course I didn't get the reaction I expected and she just cried with relief, then went on to say how she has been wanting to say the same thing for 'ages' but didn't for similar, even more fanciful reasons!
We generally do feel the same way about a lot of things and it's unusual for us to get this detached from one another.
Strangely, 'the bedroom' is probably the one area that this often happens in.

But as Biddulph puts it, you need to be in control of your sexuality and sexual relationship, otherwise it will control you. Most people, he suggests (especially men) are not. I have realised for a long time that I am not, but last night was the first time I was able to say that and get it talked about.
We laughed about how silly we are.
Our confusion and misplaced overinflated-respect for each other has led to each feeling obliged to make love despite misgivings, tiredness, expectancy (no pun intended) etc etc.

This was REALLY hard to say. feels uncomfortable writing it now, but hey.
Honesty has to come from within.
You don't have to read this rubbish…

So we have both been doing something we don't really want to do and often don't feel too great about afterwards.
Most times its great but too often it isn't.
We do to with and for each other as we know we like. It's a routine that we haven't questioned until now for ages.

And we laughed. That's the best part about the whole thing.
We cried too - and nearly shouted.
But then we laughed.

She's been poking me all day. Throwing sand.
Making me cups of tea I haven't asked for.
We've disagreed about stuff. Feels great

Just hope and pray I have the strength to face the demon when I meet him next.
Likely as not won't be far away.

Tx went out with Flo this morning to a n NCT clothes sale and added more stuff to the St Denys Mountain that surrounds me in the loft - not just baby things, but great trousers for the oldest ones and some new PJs for Stan.
I stayed with the others in the garden and even - shock, horror - had all three of them playing separately around the house! That NEVER happens.
Ali in the loft with her Barbie's, Stan palying with his cars in the sand pit and LC doing puzzles in the lounge.
Then we all got together for the last Easter Egg and a game of 'pairs'. Stan is exceptionally good at this and won both games.
His memory for where the cards are seems to be much better than mine.
A bit of cleaning, trimming, hoovering - usual Satday stuff.

Made a simple but very effective cheese omelette for luch with a mushroom, tomato and pesto salad served in pitta bread.

Went out by myself with Ali in the afternoon to buy some new school shoes.
Took in tea an dnaughty cakes at Millie's to extend the one-to-one dad time by an hour, including a trip to pick up recycling at the office.

Pizza and Pancakes for tea.
Round food.

12 pancakes took me an HOUR to cook, but they went down a bundle.
In fact, a good food day all round.

Well, for good, read - everything eaten.

Now she's sleeping and I'm writing.
Bed together seemed the obvious thing to do, but I jsut can't be ready for bed at 8.30. And I've given up with The Age of reason mainly because I forgot I'm going to see Numan on Wednesday and can't make the Reading Group.
Am I bovvered??