the things we do for life

Getting quite excited at the thought of seeing Numan again tomorrow evening.
The Pleasure Principle is one of the best albums in the history of ever...

And another of the Invisible (invisible) Women will be drifitng through my life again...

If it's not Jesus, then I can generally rely on Marc Almond to sort me out

Orpheus in Exile

I'm writing this at 2.30am in an attempt to rationalise the thoughts going through my head, and to re-boot my brain so that I can sleep.

I am troubled by a vision, in fact a realisation that my company is no longer viable and will shortly cease to exist. I have been unable to pay two of the staff for October, and will shortly have a sub-contractor invoice that I cannot meet either. My own salary has been frozen now since August in an attempt to patch up what has been a leaking ship for months.

It would be unfair to say 'since D left', but I think that is the reality of it, though the writing was on the wall before then and hindsight tells me that he knew it and timed his jump.

The nail in the coffin as far as my conviction and confidence are concerned is the request to reimburse the £7500 that we were overpaid last September when duplicate invoices were issued for one of the cruise terminal contracts. Though liability for this was written into D's Transfer Agreement, he has denied all knowledge and laid the blame squarely at my door.

I do not know which way to turn, and feel that I stand here this evening between a rock and a hard place, with a gun against my head and a knife in my back.

I no longe rfeel able to take on any more personal debt to relieve the pressure on the company, bacause I really don't think we are going to survive nd so I will end up with debts tha I can't meet personally. I feel I must depend on the limited status of Walking Distance, and ensure that no liability for anything within the company goes beyond that.
That is what that staus gaurantees after all.

I fear for the new build on the house too - while we can afford it with the inheritance, I am concerned that with no income myself henceforth, our mortgage payments are under threat. Thus I must keep all the credit I can open for as loong as possible in case we should need it until I find employment.

And there's more irony - having qualified with flying colours asa manager in June, and joined the CMI,I now found myself facing the prophesy that I am more employable outside my own company and in fact should be earning 'good' money somewhere else.

So it is not that I far 'the future', just that I fear the present.

Tonight is my walk up Calvary's hill, carrying the cross which I will raise and plant firmly on the ground before the staff at a meeting tomorrow afternoon. I fear that. I am anxious for my staff, and feel indebted to them for their creativity, loyality, friendship and endurance. I feel I have let them down, and I have been feeling that way for some time. For months I have considered myself to be the weak link in the chain, the one member of the company that is surplus to requirements. Actually worse. I feel that more recently my absence of mind and lack of confidence has been an undermining influence, holding back the others rather than driving them forward.

I am inclined to tell them this, to share the full force of both barrels with them. Each can then decide a course of action for themselves.

I am late with payments for a £10,000 print bill, and I have been trying to pay this in installments on a personal credit card. Tomorrow, I have to stop that, because that is beyond the call and outside the limited liability of the company. It skews the reality of the situation, and blurs my focus.
Instead, I need to talk to them about the account, and explain that we cannot meet their bill.

So be it...

Pray for me, the few of you that know.
I must remian strong, true to my stoic nature and cling to the self-belief that has brought me to this point.

I have a lot to thank God for, and feel He wants me now to celebrate that and to express more fully my faith and trust in him.

Yet not my will, but yours Lord.

Tonight, I bring before you my darkest hour.
Let there be light.

I lift my eyes up to the mountain
Where does my strength come from?

This one seems to scan...? Weird

Walking in the footsteps
Made by flowers
I can see

Roses
Roses

Following the whispers
Made by lovers
I can hear

Roses
Roses

In summer now
Beside the lake
We kiss
And she is lighter than the air

In other times
I held a silhouette here
And I can
Still feel her skin against my hand

Trying not to think of when
The bells will ring again
I fear

Roses
Roses

Laughing for a moment
As the night falls
Through the trees
I hear the

Roses
Roses

In winter now
No thunder
Nothing fills my heart
I'm floating under heavy snow
It's surface tainted with vermillion blood of

Roses
Roses

From far-off days
I hear the echoes colouring the past
With scent of

Roses
Roses

I'm listening to Translucence

And I thought it might be fun to see what writing comes to form each track

Beneath
A palimpsest
We peel back layers of time and see
The ones we were
Still waving

Fingers trace
Corroded verse
and fading words describe
Friends that have
Long been misunderstood
Their memory lost
Their faces hidden

Becoming dust
and ash and sand
We spiral and we
Splinter
Small enough to fall between the lines
Wherein the past
Waits hiding

Light catching fragments
Sparkle blue and sharp
In focus for a moment
Underneath
Within yet still apart
The missing pieces
Hidden phrases
The truth lies in the words
We never say

Like I'm going to do that regularly. I can't stick to any plan...

This afternoon, John Foxx performs live in New York for the first time in 30 years. At 3pm, he presents a film and reading from his ongoing project The Quiet Man at BCB Gallery in New York.

The exhibition opens at 6pm

Contact sheet of the exhibits here:

http://www.bcbart.com/exhibitions/index.html

Bruce Bergmann is a lifelong fan of Foxx and has exhibited other projects int he past.

That's today. Friday.
the builders haven't arrived yet.

Ooh but it's all amazing and looks fab. Well worht the desperate living conditions.
F*ck me, but even those Latvian immigrants in number 6 have more room each than we do.

And more money.

Bastards...

I do enjoy this Games NIght I've joined up with. Every second Thursday.
Mostly cribbage, but often other games too, like mebbe donimoes or, tonight, the wonderful Sphinx.

Best game for three players

SET UP
Take out the fives and below, and put the 'twos' to one side.
36 cards in play - six and upwards.
Lay out the twos face down in a pile.

Diamonds = 0 points
Spades = 1 point
Hearts = two points
Clubs = three points

First hand - no trumps.

Deal twelve cards to each player (using all 36 cards). Starting with the player to the left of the dealer, each player has to declare how many tricks they think they can win (by calling a number anywhere between "none" and "nine")
They do this not by calling the number aloud, but by discarding THREE cards from their hand whose combined points total the number of tricks called.
The declaration remians unspoken and thus unknown to the other players.
It is confirmed, when the discarded cards are checked at teh end of the hand during scoring.
So if a player thinks he can make SIX tricks, the three cards he discards from his hand must total SIX points (eg two clubs and a diamond, or three hearts)
The nomination of the card is irrelevant (both an ace and a six score the same - AceDiamonds = NO points: SIX diameonds = no points)

Players can call any number of tricks - ie-there is no obligation for the total called to add up to nine. (each player can call "nine" if they choose) Tis is actually easier to achieve than you might at first think...

SCORING
Each hand has a bonus of thirty points up for grabs, in addition to the number of tricks scored.
If ALL THREE players make the number of tricks they called, each wins TEN points. If two players make it, they each win FIFTEEN POINTS. If only one player makes it, he wins THIRTY points. Should no player win his called number of hands, then no bonus points are allocated.
In addition to bonus points, each player also wins points according to the number of hands he wins. Win four hands, get four points. Declare "four" hands as well, win aditional points.
Thus the maximum points available to win at each hand is THIRTY NINE (calling "nine" and winning all nine)

TRUMPS
In the first hand played (which begins with the player to the left of the dealer) there are NO TRUMPS.

Each subsequent hand has a trump suit. This is determined by the number of people who successfully declared the number of hands they won in the previous hand.
Thus if no-one wins their declared number of hands, DIAMONDS are trumps in the next hand, and if all three people win, then CLUBS are trumps in the next hand.

To remind players what are trumps, the TWOS should be placed in a stack, with the appropriate suit turned face up on top.

PLAY
When all three players have made their declaration (by discarding three cards totalling the number of hands they think they can make), play begins on the dealer's left.
As usual, ACE is HIGH and all players must follow suit if they are able to do so. The highest card of the leading suit wins the hand, unless a trump is played. In this case, the highest trump card wins. There is no obligation to trump if you can't follow the leading suit.
The player winning a hand will open with the lead card in the next hand.

TACTICS
Sphinx is an amazingly versatile game and challenges the players at every turn.
First of all, you must consider carefully what to declare, and how you are going to make up that number. If you consider you could win SIX hands, then the three cards you discard must have a total points value of SIX (eg three hearts, or two clubs and a diamond).
A player is perfectly at liberty to declare "none" and then deliberately play to lose ALL the hands, even by discarding high value trumps...
Beware of such 'negative' players, for they habitually play to upset your declaration.

Remember that only the sixes and up are in the game - the pack is top heavy.

The last hand or two is invariably won by the player who plays the leading card.
Are you sure you want to be in this position? Have you already made you declared number of hands and so really don't actually want to win any more?
Do you suddenly need to win all the remaining hands?
How will you win the lead?
Has the player next to you made their declared number of hands? Can you sabotage his chance of winning bonus points?

What happens if you lead with a high trump?

Has someone declared "eight" winning hands? How will you stop him? Does that affect what you will declare - given that he may have five or six trumps in a nine-card hand?

How can you be sure that you won't win ANY hands?

You have been dealt the five highest trumps. So you can win at least five hands. But if you lead these and others follow, thus drawing out all the trumps, think how many of the remaining hands you want to win...? consider discarding the ACE and the TEN. Depends what suit they are of course...
Or keep them and call maybe "eight"?

*

It's a brilliant game, and goes particularly well with a couple of pints of 6X and some folkies strumming away in the background. Works on every level

Started the evening by playing crib with just two of us and dealing six cards each. High scoring as anticipated, and easier to control the pegging. Quite different to the four player game I am more used to.

Free doritos and spicy dipping sauce.

Skinny and short works for me.

Nice barmaid pixie - five feet and no tits.
Good call...

Seems I'm to be out every night again this week.

On Monday, after the Morrissey gig in Salisbury... Oh, I didn't blog about that...
I was given five albums. Happens often, and I love receiving albums by bands I've never heard before, by bands I know I like but haven't got round to buying, classic albums from back in the day, new and experimental albums from people with no label who I found on myspace etc...

Right now, I'm listening to

Florence and the Machine - Lungs
I was expecting to love this, but should have realised that anything Mercury nominated or Q Award Winning is always going to disappoint. Far more mainstream that I was lead to believe. Great legs...

The Eden House - Smoke and Mirrors
I have never liked the Goth genre much, so a meeting of The Nephs and Julianne regan was never destined to move me

Nouvelle Vague 3
It's just me, I'm on a downward spiral when it comes to music. This is spectacularly bland and I can't play more than three tracks. Gone stale very quickly.

The Secret meeting - Ultrashiver
Better. Always had a soft spot for Curve,a nd I discovered Collide for Kink a few years back. Strong elements of both and quite creative in parts. Bits of Kate Bush influence beng used well, and some Goldfrapp when they were good.

Ladyhawke
Disappointing too. Ordinarier thn the demos and PR would have you believe

Our church has done a regular meal for everyone (and all who care to come) on the first Sunday of each month for about the last seven years. I got involved four years ago, and now tend to do maybe three or four a year.
This year has been an exception because I called it off earlier int he year, when attendance dwindled to below 20 and we were throwing away more food than we we serving. Average numbers are between 40 and 50 when its running well.

A meal served by one or two members of the church to everyone else is a great way for those with catering skills to witness to the church, to express their love of others and to commit to the church's general spiritual life. We always begin with a Grace, but otherwise there is little or less 'church' input - i's just an opportunity to be togtehr - young and old alike.

For me its about the joy of giving. There is little more satisfying than taking your seat at a crowded table,with people chatting, laughing, debating while they enjoy food that you have cooked for them.

We have a system whereby the five or so of us that cook regularly meet once or twice a year to set up a rota. Each of us than has one of the others or someone new to help, thereby encouraging others to develop their discipleship in this way. The menu is entirely up to the person cooking, and is seldom declared in advance, other than at the beginning of the service it follows, when everyone is invited to stay. We tried to plan what would be served each month, but it didn't work that way...?
There are of course some staple dishes that work very well and get repeated, but generally we find that the ten meals served in a year are all different.
ten?
We don't have a Family meal in AUgust (too many people away) and in either May, June or July the vicar does a barbecue.

We tend to give the person cooking the meal £50 cash to buy the food themselves and/or arrange for someone to go shopping with them if transport is a problem. The food can then be stored at home, or in the church kitchens. It needs to be labelled and kept in a locked cupboard/fridge to avoid misunderstandings with hirers.

Generally, our SALT services start at 11.00 am on the First Sunday, and are followed by dinner served at around 1pm, after coffee.
Most times, the meals are prepared during that 90 minute slot (11 - 12.30) but occasionally some people prepare things in advance and bring them in ready done.

We would serve anyone that came to the meal - there is absolutely no obligation to attend the preceeding service.

Last summer, someone bought two high chairs as a gift for the church, so that are youngest members could also enjoy the shared meal experience. We also have half a dozen visitors each month from a care home up the road who come in wheelchairs with carers and associated nursing staff. It is rare, but on occasions, a random stranger will turn up, eat and disappear again.
That is part of our work with the community.

Thsi Sunday I served a beef/veggie chilliewith rice, topped with cheese. It's becoming a family favurite, but I have never cooked it in bulk before. It's a recipe I entirely made up, having been served somethng similar at a PCC retreat during the summer.

Stir fry onions until soft and golden.
Add chopped mushrooms and peppers.
Add beef mince - thawed in advance if bought frozen.
Stir fry for a bout twenty minutes, adding a dash of stock to prevent sticking.
Add frozen peas and cook for another ten minutes or so.
Add flavourings - this week a generous splashing of tabasco, dollops of dijon mustard and some fresh coriander...
Keep adding stock to keep moist,a nd stir in gravy powder to thicken.

MEANWHILE
Cook a couple of kilos of long-grain rice by covering in freshly boiled water and leaving to stand for half an hour on the lowest heat.

When the rice is cooked, seperate the grains with a fork.
(DONT EVER stir rice while its cooking - that makes it sticky because you break the husks and release the starch)

Stir into the rice the juice of a fresh lime.

Add the rice to the beef mince mixture, stir gently but thoroughly to combine the ingredients.
Unload the whole lot into a couple of oven trays, level it gently with a fork and then top with a generous portion of grated cheese.

Bake in a preheated 200° oven for maybe half an hour.

Serve with a green leaf salad (rocket, little gem, iceberg, cucumber) and french bread with butter.

****

The main dish is served to plates at a hatch from the kitchen. Bread and butter (and seasonings) put onto the tables in advance. A couple of side tables set up with salad on and drinks (fruit juice, water, lemonade) so that people can help themselves.
This week, we had the added bonus of a gallon of home brewed cider to share with our meal. Thanks to Mister T for that...!

I also choose to 'serve up' a selection of Sunday newspapers which people seem to enjoy.
We tried music, bu tthat didn't work.

Regarding clearing up, we usually find that people amongst the diners will elect themselves to clear tables, and there are usually three or four people who can be relied upon to wash up. This too should be considered an important act of giving, and is considered important and satisfying to those who help out in this way. often those who feel indebte for a generous meal and lack the confidenc eor skills to cook similar themselves. Washing and clearing up is a way for them to make a contribution.

I generally find that I can feed people this way at a rate of about £1.00 per head. When I closed down the meals, we were not making enough money back to cover the cost, but last week we made £48.00 and I only spent £34.00.
The Family meal is not considered a fund-raising event and should be budgeted in such a way that it pays for itself. Often people who stump up the food money from thier own pocket if they are cooking feel the need to fully re-imbursed by the church, so we think it is important that the meals at least make back any money that is spent out on them.
If it is short, then the church makes up any difference from our Home Mission fund.